That venus day

[Kris]

Dear Kim,

I love your site and the forum in particular. I am really excited and confused over a few developments in my life over the past 2 months particularly from venus sun transit on 19 july. Barb's observations have added fuel to my restlessness and hence I post my experience and seek your observations and advise at the earliest. Well, it is a long story but I try to shorten it.

One of my women collegue suddenly aroused love interest in me. Neither she nor I have any intentions of this nature for the last 8 years of our union in the office.
On venus transit day, unintentionally I hummed a beautiful romantic song ( i am blessed with a singing voice) when we both were alone and found instant reaction in her face. She looked at me with a red face and I noticed a question mark in her eyes. I was scared because she was known to be a fire brand and does not tolerate anything of this nature. By the evening I was encouraged as she exhibited curiosity but tight lipped. My efforts to impress her and her silent but encouraging reponse continued through July.

The problem started once I tried to open up my romatic interest in her in the begining of August. AT every attempt she was very stiff, stare at me seriously but does not say "get lost". I could never express directly because of the mood she was in. Interestingly, she runs after me with an apologetic face everytime I was turned away. People also say that she actually likes to receive romantic signals from guys but blast them away if they try to advance. It happened to a number of guys. If that be the case, why was she running after me ? I was confused with she becoming more and more serious and the same time try to attract my attention. Gradually, I have become nervous with her and I find it nearly impossible to speak to her. So tried to convince her to "speak out" through emails, SMS etc. I did not express my intentions in recorded form fearing exposure in case she rejects me. She never responded to any of the calls but showed up that she actually likes me ( she goes around me but tight lipped.. It is a recurring feature since the begining of August).

I know her birth date and place. Time is unknown.
Her venus in Aries nearly trines my closely conjunct Sun Saturn in Sag. Her closely conjunct Mars Sun in Taurus trines my Moon in Virgo. Her exact conjunct Uranus Pluto in Virgo conjunct my Moon (5 deg apart). Her Moon in Sag exactly conjunct my Mercury and also conjunct my Sun Sat (7 deg apart). My Mars in Pis oppose her Uranus pluto conjunct (171 deg). My Venus in Sco oppose her Mercury in Aries. My Moon in Vir exactly squares her Moon in Sag. I thought she was off mood and furious because of Mars, Sun tranist over her natal uranus pluto in Vir. I felt elemental incompatibility in synastry is the main reason for mood swings till I worked on asteroid configurations in synastry.

Her Psyche at 0 Can exactly trined my Venus at 0 Sco. My Psyche at 11 vir (conjunct my Moon) sextiles her Eros at 12 Can. Her Lilith at 29 Can squares my Ven at 0 Can. My Lilith at 27 tau conjunct (2 deg apart) her Mars Sun. My Eros at 13 aqu quincunx her Eros. My Pluto at 0 vir exactly trines her Psyche.

I AM 47 AND SHE IS 38. WE BOTH HAVE OUR RESPECTIVE FAMILY LIFE WITH SPOUSE AND CHILDREN.

The planetary and asteriod configurations in synastry are amazing, strongly indicating a relation. My questions start now.

1) Why is it that nothing happened between us for the last 8 years of our union in the office ?

2) Strong connectivity between her psyche and my venus, her eros and my psyche, moon undoutedly indicate psychic link emerging from past lives. (We have been running after each other whenever we felt that the partner is hurt).

3) Why is it that we could not convey the message to each other despte trying hard.

4) Why is she refusing to communicate with me in any fashion (word of mouth, email, SMS, telephone).

5) What is the role of her lilith ? Is it so strong to prevent our relation despite many other strongly favourable contacts.

6) What about the statements made by the people about her ? Is she really a Lilith ? and I am saved otherwise by Psyche, Eros etc.

7) WHAT IS MY FUTURE COURSE OF ACTION ? Shall I go ahead boldly come what may ? I fear rejection which I may not be able to manage.

Please advice at the earliest. It is one and half months since I concentrated on my job. I am suffering very badly.

NOTE: MY PLANETARY CONFIGURATIONS EXACTLY MATCHES WITH THE CONFIGURATIONS GIVEN BY BARB AS THOSE OF HER BOY FRIEND

[Gen]

Dear Kris,

You are very unlucky though it is late. She is actually struggling with the strengths of lilith, eros and psyche all from the same sign Can. She had become highly emotional with you and that may be reason for her inability to speak. I am not sure as to why she is refusing to communicate in any form.

It is worth trying to have a go at her. Once it clicks, it would be life transforming experience.

All the best.

[KKris]

Dear Kim,

Kris again. Sorry, I forgot to give important information.

Her Psyche falls in my 12th house. Her eros, lilith and vesta in my ASC. Her ven and mer in my 10th, her Sun and mars in my 11th. Moon in 6th and uranus in 3rd. Her natal neptune opposing her natal sun, mars falls in my 5th house.

I dont have her birth time. So I cann't comment how I influence her.

Thanks. Looking forward for your response

Kris

[Kim Falconer]

Hello Kris,

I am glad you like the forum and Eros site. Please take a moment to join and read the comments in the introduction.

Your questions are extensive and I can see that this is an urgent issue for you.

First of all, without spending hours delineating your synastry charts, I can say that you have a lot of contacts, a lot of activation between each other.

Why does it arise now and not 8 years ago? Good question.

Sometimes feelings are repressed or unexpressed, for myriad reasons. It happens all the time. It is like all the windows in a house are closed for years and years and then, one day, a window opens and the breeze blows in. The house was always there. The breeze was always there. It just took the “right moment” to experience. It is likely that a transit to your composite or synastry contacts coincided with this awakening.

Now, your distress in this complex matter seems to be mostly around communication. You don’t know how she feels or why she behaves the way she does.

I have one suggestion for you: ASK HER.

All this could be cleared up in an instant with the right questions. If you fear rejection (we all can be nervous about this) I can only say that these types of situations imply risk. It is never safe to express love. Eros is not about security. Love is not about safety. If you are going to discover the truth, you must be willing to trade unawareness for understanding regardless of the consequences. (My experience in these matters is that even if the other can not or will not respond in kind, they love to hear they are desired—we all do). You have to be brave, or let it go. What part of rejection is unmanageable for you?

If you are both in other committed relationships, it could explain the trepidation on both sides.

Is she really a Lilith ? Well, human beings are very complex. No one is just one thing, and no one (except Lilith herself) embodies the qualities of an archetypal figure. I suspect she is a complex woman with divers and innumerable aspects to her personality. I wouldn’t try to boil it down to one thing.

So, Kris, ask her what is going on, or let go of the attraction. It’s too frustrating to be “in between”.


Let us know how you go.
Warmly,
Kim

[Kris]

Dear Kim,

Thanks for your immediate response. Really I felt light and relaxed a bit after writing to you yesterday. May be the pressure, at not being able to express my feelings to anybody, had immense influence on my mind.

I did some more work. Her Sappho at 0 ta 39 exactly oppose my Venus at 0 sc 29. Her Adonis at 1 cp 44 rapt conjunct my Vesta at 1 cp 33. MORE INTERESTING.

Your suggest to ASK HER. Well, that itself is the main problem. I tried n number of times to talk to her.
FIRST ATTEMPT: She was upset and angry even before I start. In an attempt to calm her down I said "speak something". She responded furiously "what shall speak. what happend. Nothing happend. YOU GO. GOOOO...." I was forced to runaway.

She was normal and sweet in presence of our collegues and was looking at me in apologetically. I gathered courage to open up again.

SECOND ATTEMPT: We were passing through a street. I asked her as to why she was so furious with me. She did not respond. Once twice thrice I asked saying that I should know what I should not do to keep her happy with me. She was uneasy and in a desparate attempt to avoid me she suddenly changed the route and ranway.

After many such attempts from me ..... and normal apologetic looks from her etc......

THE LATEST ATTEMPT: She was angry, as usual, and HYSTERICAL the moment I entered her room. YAA... SPEAK, SPEAKOUT MAN, she shouted. I was taken aback. It is abnormal behaviour on her person. In a love relation, warm reception and longing for each other are essentially seen even if there is difference of opinion. What is she doing with me In split of a second she declared: "I keep only official relations with you". I left saying "Thank you".

Again, as usual apologetic looks etc continues.....

The hard aspects from transit Mars and Sun opposing Uranus to her rapt conjunct natal Uranus and Pluto might have triggered anger and frustration (?) with her. Frustration for what ?

Now I am curious than anything else about her. My strong feelings for her have gone to the back of my mind. These feelings may not get eliminated in this life time.

You asked me very correctly. "What it cann't I manage if rejected by her". I prefer to keep the sweet feelings for her rather than the feel of rejection even though we don't pair up. The feel of rejection itself is causing a lot of pain to me.

I generally don't care anybody and blast the moment I feel insulted. WHY AM I SO SOFT AND FEEL FOR HER EVEN THOUGH I AM AT THE RECEIVING END FOR THE LAST ONE AND HALF MONTHS ? I am sure, with so many contacts in our synastry, there would be more drama between us. I promise to inform you the developments. I believe, the issue won't be subsided without concrete conclusion.

I want to choose a date to make yet another attempt. Can you suggest one. I shall give our birth details sans her actual birth time. I fixed her birth time basing upon my observations and what I heard about her in general. I don't want to post the birth details here. I send them through email.

I LOVE IF YOU CAN ANALYSE OUR SYNASTRY CHART COMPREHENSIVELY.

Eager to hear from you.

Thanks
Kris

[Kim Falconer]

Hello Kris,

Yes, I can see now that direct verbal communication is near impossible. It must be very confusing and frustrating for you.

If you want an in-depth analysis of this synastry, my readings are described and priced on this page-

www.nrg.com.au/~d-falcon/Eros_by_Aspect.htm#tape

The forum is a great place to discuss individual questions, one at a time, on topic. A complete synastry reading, of course, is beyond the scope of this format.

So, asking her doesn’t seem a solution. This is a strong message in itself. Regardless of the other implications and signals she is sending, the bottom line appears to be, at this point at least, a strong statement that she is not available.

What would happen is you simple pulled back and gave her “space”? She may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of the situation. Blocking you may be her way of dealing with it now.

On the 19th of July, when this all began, transiting Eros was conjunct her natal Sun. Eros will sextile that point on the 8th of October. Perhaps a date to try again to communicate. September 25-29 may also find her more open to talking.

The thing to remember about any synastry combination is that the people involved must be together in some way to activate the charts. People are like permanent transits, IF and WHEN they relate to each other in some way.

Synastry contacts that look like they SHOULD evoke certain responses, like say Venus trine Sun or Sun trine Moon, may not do so if what is being activated is making the other person, consciously or unconsciously, uncomfortable.

Her Venus wakes up your Sun, but also your Sun/Saturn. Your Moon wakes up her sun, but also her Mars trine Uranus. You may both have moments of feeling that warm and distinct Solar contact yet the fear of vulnerability implied by Saturn and the aggressive desire to bolt described by Mars/Uranus are being activated as well. If the relationship is not open to communication, I can see how she might “run” and you would be left feeling very frustrated.

That’s certainly not the only way for you two to relate. It does seem to be the pattern right now.

What would happen if you backed off an let her come to you when she felt ready? I realize that could be “never”, but in the field of love, that is always the risk.

Does anyone else have comments here?

Warm wishes,
Kim

[Kris]

Dear Kim,

Thanks for the reply. You wrote that you could see direct verbal communication near impossible. Can you please elaborate this point. I need it badly.

What you wrote is what I thought of. I am going to block myself but make it a point to be around her atleast for sometime everyday.

By the by she is off duty throughout this week (from Tuesday last) due to the illness of a close relative. In her absence i am relaxed though my mind is not off her. I feel like have a look at her. She may also be feeling similarly. Shall we call it temporary separation and if so what shall it bring forth when she joins duty, may be next Monday. What astrological configuration separated the two longing souls ? You comment please.

Thanks
Kris

[Kim Falconer]

Hi Kris,

It’s good to hear that you can relax a little in her absence.

What I meant when I said that communication was “near impossible” was simply to restate what you told me: She won’t talk to you.

That makes communication near impossible.

If you are asking what astrological indicators coincide with separation, I would say that any of the outer planets, from Saturn to Pluto, can link to such an inner and outer events. They just do it in different ways.

Briefly:

Saturn separates through of fear, isolation and practical responsibilities.

Uranus separates through restless desire for freedom, change and growth.

Neptune separates through confusion, spiritual longings, abandonment.

Pluto separates through transformation.

We often experience these kinds of separations as traumatic, yet each experience has something to offer.

All the outer planets are gods of change. They shake us up into becoming more of who we are. Sometimes separation from what we desire is part of this, because it evokes psychic growth.

Warmly,
Kim

[Kris]

Dear Kim,

I BANGED HER. Yes. I banged her today on 13th Sept., 2004 11 hr 30 min exact. At that moment transit Sun, Moon, Mars, Mercury and Jupiter were all in my third house and the transit Moon exactly opposes transit Uranus. Mercury oppose Uranus by 179 deg.

I discussed only about the planets since I consciously decided to bang her today. Unless YES or NO type of development takes place, I cann't come out of enormous pressure built upon me.

I got the opportunity the moment I reached office this morning. I had a difference of opinion and argument with another women collegue during which time my love suggested me to take leave and meet my family who stay elsewhere. She also added that She was also disturbed for the last 2 months. This gave me the opportunity I am looking for.

I kept quite at that moment since did not like to talk in presence of others. I rang her at around 11.20 to know as to why she suggest me to go and meet my family. She was very innocent in her response. I straightaway told her. I never met you on one or other pretext for the last 8 years. I have my own ideals about a woman. So far I never looked at a woman other than my wife. She was even more innocent screeming why do tell all these things to me. I understand, as a collegue, you are under pressure for the last 2 months. You feel loneliness.

CONFIRMED. SHE IS A LILITH. First she commanded and satisfied by rejecting me and now trying to prove herself to be innocent. She was also under enormous pressure looking for room to escape. So she took the opportunity out of my argument with another collegue. Her lilith was positioned at anaretic degree. She has to learn a lesson, obviously.

I continued. The pressure I had been facing is not due to temporary separation from my family. In fact my family is away for the last 3 and half years. I have been doing well without any problem as I have self control.
Two hands are need to clap. Nothing will develop and boil up all of its own. You have to pay penalty for commiting the SIN of encouraging and then deserting me in the matters of heart. My memories trouble you throughout your life. You wil remember me at every moment of your life. Your heart is empty. It remains empty and nobody fills it.

As she was desparately trying to defend herself as I disconnected the line.

I myself surprised at the manner I banged her in philosophical way (Eros ?). I saw her in the canteen during lunch break. SHE IS LOST.

How does her natal Psyche exactly trine to my natal Venus behave now ? More importantly, what would be the developments on 20th Sept., when tranist Eros conjunct her natal Psyche at 0 cn 44 ? With such strong asteroid connectivity in our synastry I expect some more developments. I am very curious to know in advance.

Shall we two unite ? Distinct possibility, almost impossbile.

Please elaborate.

PS: I am totally relaxed as I severed the connection.

Kris

[Kim Falconer]

Hello Kris,

Clearly your use of the word “banged” and mine carry different meanings. I was a little surprised at first, but I think you were saying you “confronted” her or “met her head-on”, yes?

Isn’t it interesting that what seemed impossible (verbal communication, honest expression of emotions) can turn around in a few short days? After all you described between you, sure, anything is possible.

I imagine that Eros transiting her Psyche is going to wake up a lot of sensitive feelings inside her. What she does with them remains to be seen. Yes, there are a lot of contacts between you. The unpredictable things is whether one chooses to act on them. I think you have a better idea about that than me!

As long as you stay sensitive an connected to your own feelings, you’ll likely benefit from the experience, where ever it leads. See what the new Moon brings!

Blessings,
Kim

[Kris]

Dear Kim,

Nothing happened for the last 2 days after "confronting her head-on" as you rightly said. She is again missing today. I was alright, feeling light, for just one day. Last two days we were around each other for few minutes as usual. We cann't avoid each other since we take the same bus from the same stop for a short journey lasting 7 minutes. I blocked myself completely out of anger. I feel it strange that she was not trying to persuade, if I am important for her, through a dialogue even after confronting her. If I am nobody for her she should ignore me. Is not it ? Her continued efforts to woo me silently, really, irritating me NOW.

It is impossible to forget her whatever be the outcome. She seeped into my heart like a bullet (?). Am I injured ? May be the havoc in my heart is due to close conjunction of my natal psyche and my ascendant lord moon alongwith pluto in my third house. I feel like writing so much but I am totally confused and do not know what to write.

Please say something. I am nervous and desparate to get out of the situation.



Kris

[Kim Falconer]

Hi Kris,

I think the havoc in your heart is there because you are human.

It’s very frustrating to hang in limbo—to exist between desire and outcome and have no clear perception of what the other person is thinking, planning or wanting herself.

Earlier, on Kyiomi’s thread re midpoints to her Sagittarius Ascendant, we were talking about the immediacy of that sign. Sag is mutable fire and nothing in the universe can be as blunt, direct, instant and enthusiastic as he can. The Psyche/Ascendant in water may add some patience, though, and as you said, it is very intuitive, very very sensitive.

You may understand what is going on “underneath the surface”, though in the world of outer appearances, things may not match. That is doubly frustrating too.

Welcome to the world of confusing romantic encounters! Sometimes, for myriad reasons, things are not clear and they don’t move forward from a to b to c! There is nothing rational about the heart and for now, all we can say is that things are stirred up—emotions are moving!

Often anger is a secondary feeling, designed to protect us from pain. It is quite natural to experience this, under the circumstances. The more you can feel your feelings and accept them as part of being alive, the more you will benefit from this encounter. Venus in Scorpio loves intensity. I dare say you are having plenty of that!

The good thing is, you can feel at all! I know it’s a roller-coaster and often painful, but it is also vital and alive.

If you are desperate to get out of this situation, perhaps you will need to let go of it. Experience what YOU feel and then let it fall from you like leaves from autumn trees.

Trusting the experience without seeing it as “good” or “bad” can help you do this.

I hope this helps.

Warmly,
Kim

[Kris]

Dear Kim,
Thanks for your earlier responses and for being patient with my lengthy posts. This may be my last post under current thread. I wont come back unless a miracle happens.

The much awaited day - the 24th Sept had come and gone without any developments. Transit EROS, Aphrodite conjunction did not help the matters. I blocked myself completely even since I had taken her head-on on 13th Sept. I tried every possible trick (?) to invoke SOME response from her. NOTHING WORKED. She , as usual, was trying to woo me silently. AFTERALL WHY IS SHE REFUSING TO SPEAK ?

It is impossible to understand her. She is much more complex than what I thought. Hard aspects among her natal outer planets (Uranus, Pluto and Saturn) coupled with rapt conjunction of Sun and Mars in Bull sign might have seriously influenced her psychology in traumatic way since childhood. It may be especially true, as far as her relationships with men are concerned, since her natal Sun and Mars oppose Neptune.

The ordinary fight I had with another women colleague had been fabricated to show me as a bad character to the world. I could not resolve it despite best of my efforts. Of late, my normal calm composure is also seriously effected. I have become irritable. May be due to transit Uranus opposing my natal Pluto, Moon and Psyche.

Though you have given Sept 25-29 as possible dates on which she would be more open to talk, I have no hope that she would be responsive. More importantly, EGO had caught up with me. I do not feel like taking initiation after that “head-on” conversation during which I accused her of enticing and then deserting me. With such a accusation directed at her character, she is supposed to speak out or back out. STRANGELY, THERE WAS NO RESPONSE FROM HER.

Things are moving from bad to worse. The gap between us is ever increasing. I LOST HOPE. Irresistible desire to hurt her feelings is catching up with me. It is totally against my attitude towards anybody.

SHALL WE UNITE AT ALL. Kindly give your opinion honestly.
WHAT SHALL I DO TO BE PEACEFUL WITH MYSELF.

Thanks
Kris

[Kim Falconer]

Kris said:

SHALL WE UNITE AT ALL. Kindly give your opinion honestly.WHAT SHALL I DO TO BE PEACEFUL WITH MYSELF.

Dear Kris,
I think your questions now bring up a very important point about astrology. Everyone delving into this occult study needs to realize that those two chart, yours and hers, are simple frozen moments in time. When you think about it, they could be the charts of a building, an organization or even a pet. The point is, there is a quality to the human psyche that is not reflected in the chart, its synastry or its progressions.

There is much that can be discerned from chart comparisons yet what you ask is beyond this scope. You have a difficult situation that needs resolution. The questions are not answerable here.

From my experience, there is something incredibly impersonal about transits and progressions. What I mean is, if you have, say, a Uranus/Moon transit, we know that you are going to feel restless, that emotions are going to be stirred and that any unexamined or unresolved feelings YOU harbour with YOUR self will come charging to the surface. What we don’t know (and what seems to matter least to the psyche) is WHO may trigger or be the object of projection captured by this inner event.

And the impersonal thing is, it seems to matter little. What matters is that you are stirred up, that old patterns are re-examined and that your emotional life and inner world becomes more authentic because you have to address it, you have to look in, you have to change.

The question that you need to ask the chart is more along the lines of “What does this difficult situation mean about my inner life…What does it have to do with me?”<br>
Ultimately, it is not about the other; it is about your inner growth.

Asking the “right” questions of yourself will bring you closer to resolution than hoping to find it in some response from this other person. If you shift the emphasis from it being about your relationships to others to being about your relationship to yourself, you will make more progress.

If there is someone you can talk to about what is going on under the surface—your feelings, longings and emotions—like a non-judgemental friend, a counsellor or a trusted elder, then do so. You don’t have to unravel this alone, though you may have to shift the importance from finding answers in astrology to finding answers in yourself.

Warmly,
Kim

[Kim Falconer]

Hello Kris,

I found this quote burried in a stack of papers and remembered how, from time to time, it has helped me in these emotionally challenging and frustrating times.

"About love, life and relationships, Dr. Brenda Shoshanna writes in her wonderful book Zen and the Art of Falling in Love: "When he/she comes we welcome. When he/she goes we do not pursue"

This is an excellent motto for all our relationships, romantic or otherwise. If someone is meant to be in your life, he or she will be. You don't have to pepper them with text messages or e-mail etc. All you have to do is welcome him or her upon arrival in your "real" world, and let them go when they wish."

I find myself reaching for this reminder often of late!

Hope it helps.

Warmly,
Kim