Priapus opposed to BML?

[moondance7]

Would anyone know anything about the opposition of a man's priapus point with a woman's BML? I'm looking at a long term marriage relationship for "glue" factors. Would this mean just hot sex?

[Kim Falconer]

Hello Moondance7

My understanding is that in the natal chart, the Priapus equates with the ‘mean Lunar perigee’, a mathematical point that corresponds to the position of the Moon when it is at Perigee (that point in it's orbit when it is closest to the Earth). So, the degree opposite that point is the Black Moon, which means his Black Moon (Black Moon Lilith here being an energy “vortex” linked to the focal point in our Moon’s orbit around the earth—not the asteroid 1181 or the Dark Moon Lilith—the possible second moon orbiting earth.) is conjunct hers.

Do I have that right?

It may manifest as ‘hot sex’ at times, but not without a price. Lilith coincides with the experience of rejection. She was not honoured for her wisdom and independence but banished into the wilderness (the unconscious). She is seen as a devouring demon and when you are called something for long enough, well….

From my Eros Reports, I write:

Lilith is alone. She has no mate to explore her sexuality with, no sisters to practice her ritual magic with and no creative offspring to cherish. Not surprisingly, she can present at first with bitterness. Where Lilith resides astrologically is where we are seeking to reinstate the compelling, mystical, steamy, sexual and self-determining qualities of our nature in the ways suggested by her sign. A continually repressed Lilith, naturally, would display some of the more degraded behaviours associated with that sign, activated by transit or synastry, or even by us engaging in affairs of the house in which she is found.

When the Liliths connect by synastry, you get a lot of desire and a huge back log of outrage (for both men and women) against patriarchy and the denial of the dark feminine.

So, intense? Yes! Compelling? Yes! Devouring? Sometimes….Look at the signs involved and the houses to explore this further.

How do you think it might manifest when this energy is awakened?

Kim

[moondance7]

I get the feeling in this couple that he "cares for" a spouse with a lot of psychological fears, but I don't know her, only him. He has natal saturn and pluto opposed his Aquarian moon so he has a lot of psych hang-ups about women, too. I would think he would be the one ultimately "devoured" in this marriage. But, they have been together for 26 years, so something must be working! God bless'em, I guess. Thanks for the information;it's very interesting.

[Juliet]

Would anyone know anything about the opposition of a man's priapus point with a woman's BML? I'm looking at a long term marriage relationship for "glue" factors. Would this mean just hot sex?

How is the marriage, Moondance, you have any clue??

Hot sex maybe, but might also be the eternal tension between man and woman, which seems important in this opposition. Sorry for making a generalizing statement.
Or maybe some hot sex has to do a lot with just that tension.
Not all hot sex, I'm convinced of that. Might depend on how the individuals deal with their anima/animus... Own it as much as possible, or project it.
Some people may relief that tension with tantra, f.i., which I experienced as very healing and exciting.

[Juliet]

Hi,
Would like to add a very BM Lilithy experience 'coninciding' with the Eclipse period. My BM Lilith is exactly opposed my natal sun, axis 10 deg Pisces (in 2) - Virgo (in 8). Lilith has been transiting Virgo very slowly this last year, and I have gone through a lot of anger, pain and finally some transformation of this energy, but that has only really happened the last month or so, actually since Lilith transited my natal Mercury in 8.

I spent the last hour watching Oprah, a show where deceived and deserted women told their stories. While watching it suddenly understood that I've lived a fantasy with my last lover, and that I need to change what caused me to fall for that.

It took me so long to leave the dream, the idealization behind, always supposed he would show up some day and tell me he was sorry he did what he did, and would tell me that I had been as special to him as he has been to me. Because I believed he cared for me and because we were together for three years and because we shared some intensely intimate very taboo breaking times together, and then suddenly he was gone. Full fledged but flighty rejection. He completely ignored me, which almost got me to be a mad woman. R knew I have been in deep pain and never showed up in any way.

Meeting P (I might not see him anymore, but I do not care that much, he obviously is not 'right enough' at this point) changed the energy I felt.
I cast an horary question on this and Sun and Lilith are conjunct on natal Eros, at 26 deg Virgo.

I realize that with BML so closely opposing the Sun I carried issues about patriarchy and men (and don't we all?) into the world at birth, and I've also learnt there is no 'truth' per se, I truely do realize that to the core of my being, and I know I always carry the danger of huge projection with me with that configuration, and in THAT very sexual house. Said that, I still believe I'm learning day by day, step by step, to nurture and love myself, and realize each moment I am loved by all those lovely, warm people around me, who so clearly know what integrity is.
They might even have invented it!

The solution does not lie in R getting accountable to me, because that is very unlikely to happen, and the wonderful thing is now I really do not need it anymore! The solution, if there is one, lies in being accountable to me, to know where I stand. To live in truth, my truth.
I've been to h*** and back to get here, did not see a reason for living anymore.
This whole thing rattled my value system, second house, through sex/Eros.

The last week I've been able to think about him without pain, and without fantasies about reconciliation, revenge and retribution.
I also started waning of the anti-depressiva very slowly a month ago and so far that has been a blessing. Libido is jubilantly back, which I had lost before the pills anyway! That makes me so happy!

Where Lilith resides astrologically is where we are seeking to reinstate the compelling, mystical, steamy, sexual and self-determining qualities of our nature in the ways suggested by her sign.

This rings so true, Kim, thank you for this insight. My passion is coming back, my kids even caught my clearing flue and cleared an lot of old junk from their rooms and the living room, which I'd asked them ages ago (old cd's and stuff) and also feel better. This sadness has been a blanket over real happiness in our home.
Good things, miracles, have started happening again.
Sunday night I dreamt I showed my new home to an old male friend of mine, and was surprised to find a big wonderful decorated (by me) bedroom with a wonderful kingsize bed, which I was very proud of, but which I'd obviously had forgotten all about.

I don't believe any longer that my prince will come, I believe there will be another very fallible human being in my life someday, maybe soon, maybe later, maybe never.
P brought the danger of losing me dangerously close again.
Maybe I am not able to be in relationship and not lose me, don't know.
I know I've been in danger of reliving my moms life, (solidarity/loyalty) who never dared to love again after her divorce. But she paid me the best compliment over a year ago, by stating that she's never understood my intensity, even when I was a child was a bit afraid of me, but admires my full zest to live life to its fullest.

In the fashion of one of my male friends I asked the feedback of my male friends, and they all said I've been pretty unapproachable, distant and detached to them, except to my oldest and happily married buddy, for a long time.
The charts fifth house cusp is on Spica, Jupiter is in 5.
Sorry to go on and on and on about it.
I just needed to go more or less public with it.
I know pain is never really 'over', it still hurts, and pain will always return in some form or another. But these last few years have been more 'rewarding' then being a 38 year old sick zombie...

And by tomorrow afternoon the wonderful paintings I made of r will be gone from my Feng Shui relationship corner, as will all computer rubbish.
Also, my psychic abilities seem to blossom.
Into a job coaching project now, and we've discovered that healing seems one of my priorities in life. Kim, your Astrology and Aptitude book is my constant companion right now!

Thanks again, and a lot of blessings to all of you,
Juliet
*removed this post and then posted again, scary.

[moondance7]

Juliet, what a moving story. I'm so sorry for your pain and so glad for your transformation. It touched me because the issue of causing/enduring pain because of love and sex is paramount in my life right now.

My Lilith is in my 5th house in Capricorn, opposite my sun,moon,venus,mercury in Cancer stellium. In 1997,after becoming disabled in law school at age fifty, I graduated and was unable to work. I descended into a depression so severe that at least a half dozen different drugs were tried in one year alone.

I had always stood alone and taken care of myself, even living in a primitive log cabin in the woods once for a year. I raised my daughter alone. Parenting was very saturnian/plutonian for me.

For 10 years I had no interest in sex whatsoever.Last spring, I was approaching my second saturn return and starting dreaming and thinking about a man I had been very friendly with in the 60's, when I was a radical/hippy type. He suprised me one day with an awkward pass, which I didn't handle well, hurting him very badly. He went a little nuts for quite a while, literally crying to people how I had hurt him, how he had loved me deeply and been rejected. He became extremely vengeful and tried to have me evicted, did get me fired. We never spoke again.

I responded by sexually acting out with his friends and colleagues and having another man's baby.

I couldn't understand what was happening last spring. Intellectually, I understood I had avoided emotional intimacy/trust and love all my life based on fear. I had been badly abused in childhood and have never been able to overcome my survival strategy of avoiding hurt by avoiding closeness. Any time anyone got too close I ran like they were shooting at me. This has hurt people.

Slowly, I began to get in touch with how I really felt about this man, and realized he frightened me because of the power he had over me. I can't find a word to describe the power, but I knew I had to run when he wanted a romantic/sexual relationship. After a month or two of brooding and weeping, I realized I had truly loved him, and have never loved anyone again.

I wrote him a letter, not telling him I still loved him, but explaining how and why I had avoided trust and intimacy and apologized for having wounded him. I told him I didn't need an answer, and wished him happiness in his career, his marriage and family life.
Of course, I did want him to answer me and to still love me, but he hasn't answered in five months so I guess he never will.

I don't know what role Lilith may have played, but it feels significant. I guess I will have to go and look at the ephemeris. Anyway, although I am painfully obsessed with him and praying for relief from my obsessive love, my sexuality has returned full blown, and is a real PITA. While I was depressed for ten years, I put on so much weight, there is no realistic hope for another romance, and of course, I am still disabled, too. I do practice law part time, though.

I wanted to tell you this because of what you have been through, and your honesty. Although my anguish is intense, it no longer feels like depression. Maybe something similar is happening to me, and I will one day feel as healed as you. My best wishes.

[Amoroso]

Dear MoonDance7 and Juliet,

Thank you for your stories. This is exactly the kind of sharing that heals Lilith's wounds! Or maybe I feel that way because she is in my third House, conjunct Juno and Chariklo!! Thank you for your courage and for the energy it has taken to recraft your stories.

MD--I wanted to tell you that in the relationship that brought me to Kim's forum in the first place, his BML is in opposition to my Chiron/Eros. I do not know about him, but for me, the rage and anger that I have suppressed my whole life showed up in volumes. That I can not have a sexual relationship with him because I am long married and much older is a huge ugly issue for both of us. Lilith screams for her due. I am still reeling, a year and a half after last seeing him.

Amoroso

[moondance7]

Man, this is some painful, depressing stuff, isn't, Amoroso? I tried to cast a chart asking when I would be free of this obsession, and it looks like not for a long, long time. I just wonder what is the point of it all for all of us, or maybe there isn't one. Anyway, thanks for your comments.

[Juliet]

Hi Moondance,

I'm so sorry for YOUR pain!
Good of you to apologize to him, even if he did not acknowledge it in a letter. He did not write back; but we are never able to read another's heart or mind, so who knows what is going on for him...

Moondance, what is PITA???
If you believe Lilith is significant here, it must be.

While I was depressed for ten years, I put on so much weight, there is no realistic hope for another romance, and of course, I am still disabled, too.

That's not an easy situation at all. But believing because you are not slim and 'able' you cannot find romance, may work like a selffulfilling prophecy.

Also, what you wrote made me think of a comment one of my friends (very very happily married) once gave me when I stated I was not ready for romance: 'Juliet, you don't have to be ready for romance, every Tom, Dick and Harry (literally translated she said 'farmer's dick', the Dutch 'boerenlul', which means something like 'redneck') can do it!'

I had an interesting conversation with my mom yesterday. She is a Cancer, like you, with a Venus Jupiter conjunction in Gemini, and she has actively avoided all men since she was 36, and has been very successful at it. And she is a very beautiful woman with a still wonderful figure at 77!
She believes sexual relationship is over for women over 50, while her best friend found new romance at 80 (!!!!) and other friends are succesful too. I am very much influenced by what she says though, have been hearing it since I was 9, and know it is my task to detach from that mantra. Still one year to go! ;D

I asked her to believe in me, to stop telling me this, and she was willing to. Of course she is not the one to have to liberate me, but I was proud I asked for her support.

When I met my last lover, I was extremely overweight but feeling attractive. He did not even see the extra kilo's. (two days after my post he has regained some nuance again...)
I know I have used fat to shield myself. My husband was every jealous, and I was always interested in other men, and the weight solved all that, because I felt unattractive.

I do not believe I am healed. I'm better, and I learnt to live with it and not be so unhappy because of it. I also believe I blamed R for a lot of other things that I still cannot find words for, and that have nothing to do with him. I also believed he was my solution, and I don't believe anymore anyone can ever be a solution for me, or still the eternal hunger that I/we all feel from time to time. I do believe meeting him has been transformative to the fullest.

Maybe that is all the healing that I can hope for, but it feels good. How wonderful to accept things as they are, even if I don't understand them and would want to see them differently. I was always afraid that would be boring and plain fatalistic, but it feels rather wonderful and rich.

I also started putting all the energy I put in the obsession in other things.
My, all the energy that went into it.

Moondance, whatever the horary is telling you, we have a free will too. That you're asking all these questions means you're processing.
Have you ever read David Richo on synchronicity? Was a great help for me in starting meditation twice daily which has helped me more then anything else.

Thanks for sharing! And Amoroso for 'listening'.
Love, Juliet

[moondance7]

Hey, Juliette. Nice to hear from you. It looks like we are exchanging colloquialisms today- I have learned "farmer's dick" and you are learning Pain In The Arse!

I think I will post my solar return chart later today to show you my Pluto/Venus 8th house activity for the year- nothing but obsession, I think.

Anyway, let me know how you are doing from time to time and I will do the same. ;D

[Juliet]

[gemstar]

Hello Ladies....Much Peace and Healing to each one of you!

Remember the power of Free Will.....or is it go forth and Free some Willies??!!
OK...I couldn't resist with all that priapus (like priapism) etc....talk!!

Hugs to you all!
GemStar

[3rdhousenorth]

Thanks for your stories here, Juliet and Moondance. And wishing you continued healing. It's all a process, ain't it?

I have Lilith conjoined my South Node in Aries. Probably has a lot to do with why I've always been alone and yet always seeking relationship. No time or energy right now to get into my past obsessions (I also have Venus conjoined Pluto!), and anyway your stories here are powerful and I don't want to take anything away from your experiences. Just to share that I hear you and I get it.

3HN

PS, PITA - that's so funny. It took me a minute, but then I knew what that acronym stands for!

[Juliet]

Thanks, 3rd and Gem!
Now I know what my mantra for the coming week will be!

[moondance7]

Gem, that WAS a gem!!!LOL.

And thank you both for your kind words.