Post by ariesmoon on Aug 13, 2009 18:36:19 GMT
Serious thinking today!
Been pondering on Saturn in my 10th house. Everything I read says this is one of the most ambitious placings - and gives a love of responsibility. And yet I'm the least ambitious person I know because responsibility frightens me. Interpretations talk of a lack of a father figure, or a stern father - no fit there at all.
For me Saturn here manifests as a drive to be "perfect" in everything I do in public - the drive to not let anyone down, and a chronic fear of making mistakes or of causing anyone embarrassment. It shows up as a fear of authority, and makes me want to be the most hardworking and useful person I can be. So the fear of responsibility stems from the fact that in my mind, I can never get it all right, so I don't deserve to have responsibility.
Today all this has got to me hence the need to write about it. I got totally exhausted at work at a fun day for the local community - a fabulous day for everyone and we were blessed with the weather but I got myself so tired and then started picking myself to pieces looking at the very few things I got wrong, not the many things I did right. I came home and howled. Instead I should be patting myself on the back for helping to make it a fabulous and memorable day for several hundred people.
And then it occurred to me - I'm the strict parent I've never had. My parents, and particularly my Dad, are the gentlest of souls. They would always protect me above anything else. The image I have of a parent is that they should be stern and judging, and mine are far from it. So I have to parent myself, and I have to be my own worst critic. Someone has to say to me "you did that wrong".
But this parent also has to learn to say "you did that brilliantly". What I need to remember is that I am also finding the gold in my 10th house Saturn - local parents now recognise me from the centre, talk to me in the street, and see me as someone they can approach and trust with their babies. And as someone who loves their kids, remembers their names, and welcomes them when they come in the door. So I'm developing a positive public image in a way I've never had before. And because I'm a fair bit older than most of the parents who come in, Saturn's maturity kicks in too.
Perhaps this job is the perfect balance between my 10th house Saturn in Aquarius, and my 4th house Venus in Leo. It enables me to have a reputation for being organised, efficient, and competent whilst working in a nurturing environment aimed at supporting children and families.
When I started this post, I was down, nearly crying again. Just the act of writing it has revealed the gold to me. I'm smiling now!
Been pondering on Saturn in my 10th house. Everything I read says this is one of the most ambitious placings - and gives a love of responsibility. And yet I'm the least ambitious person I know because responsibility frightens me. Interpretations talk of a lack of a father figure, or a stern father - no fit there at all.
For me Saturn here manifests as a drive to be "perfect" in everything I do in public - the drive to not let anyone down, and a chronic fear of making mistakes or of causing anyone embarrassment. It shows up as a fear of authority, and makes me want to be the most hardworking and useful person I can be. So the fear of responsibility stems from the fact that in my mind, I can never get it all right, so I don't deserve to have responsibility.
Today all this has got to me hence the need to write about it. I got totally exhausted at work at a fun day for the local community - a fabulous day for everyone and we were blessed with the weather but I got myself so tired and then started picking myself to pieces looking at the very few things I got wrong, not the many things I did right. I came home and howled. Instead I should be patting myself on the back for helping to make it a fabulous and memorable day for several hundred people.
And then it occurred to me - I'm the strict parent I've never had. My parents, and particularly my Dad, are the gentlest of souls. They would always protect me above anything else. The image I have of a parent is that they should be stern and judging, and mine are far from it. So I have to parent myself, and I have to be my own worst critic. Someone has to say to me "you did that wrong".
But this parent also has to learn to say "you did that brilliantly". What I need to remember is that I am also finding the gold in my 10th house Saturn - local parents now recognise me from the centre, talk to me in the street, and see me as someone they can approach and trust with their babies. And as someone who loves their kids, remembers their names, and welcomes them when they come in the door. So I'm developing a positive public image in a way I've never had before. And because I'm a fair bit older than most of the parents who come in, Saturn's maturity kicks in too.
Perhaps this job is the perfect balance between my 10th house Saturn in Aquarius, and my 4th house Venus in Leo. It enables me to have a reputation for being organised, efficient, and competent whilst working in a nurturing environment aimed at supporting children and families.
When I started this post, I was down, nearly crying again. Just the act of writing it has revealed the gold to me. I'm smiling now!
