Post by ariesmale on May 11, 2009 5:41:24 GMT
At the risk of alienating most everyone. thats okay however since I have one of those troublesome MOON conjunct Saturn near my ascendant.
I find that I am not very close to my mother. I live like a mile and half from my mom and dad....and I've only visited them maybe 3-4 times the past 7 or months. I also find that sometimes I get very defensive and emotionally guarded.
I did sing my mom one of her favorite songs and added alot of mandolin voicing on my guitar riffs.
Since I have a very full 5th house....Sun conjunct Venus in Aries, mercury conjunct Ceres al the 5th house....I tend to emotionally gravitate toward my beloved child (who is 21 but I still love like my child, who I thought was the most beautiful baby I ever saw)
Even my "best friend" according to them....I keep an emotional distance to them and to most people. Even though that runs counter to being a singer musician...to find myself playing and telling jokes to alot of people.
Playing and singing to my mom was tough since a very good 3 piece marachi band played her some songs for mothers day early in the morning. they are very good. She thought I was a fine guitarist as any she's ever heard.
My dad however....could care less about all "the damn holidays" and sometimes says...."I'm starting to see you as STRANGE....no one on my side of my family were musicians worth a damn....not my grandfather, not my dad, none of my brothers, and cousins....they couldnt play or sing anything worth a damn."
During those times....I had to remind my dad...musicians are not born..they are made either by friendly instructors or they make themselves. It wasnt easy to learn how to play all those instruments and it took years and years and lot of self studies...you never sprung for any piano lessons or guitar lessons. I had to do it all the hard way.
I sometimes wonder why it is that I feel so emotionally detached from my parents. Maybe it was the sheer misery of extreme poverty as a little child next to the youngest in a big family working all day in the hot sun...during summers...from dawn to almost dusk from early grade school to Jr high.
they say kids emotionally abandon their parents to be with friends etc. Sometimes parents abandon kids by shouldering them huge workloads and almost being impatient for them to grow up fast and fend for themselves. I guess I was never ready to work like that and even now they arent there for me....not understanding why I would devote so much time and energy to Music instead of working night and day....and always living in the past when in the 60s there was always hard work in the fields, orchards, etc. All work which has long been gone replaced by cities and an over surplus of a workers in a constant booming population.
Nor can they understand why I think big families short changes people...because theres too many kids and not enough Parenting to go around. An intelligent sentential life form should know that over population is a evolutionary dead end street...too much haves and have nots....dwindling resources, jobs, decent love partners competed for viciously and everybody so dang territorial.
My dad never told me he loved me....and my mom I dont remember ever hearing her tell me I love you either.
My child listens to heavy metal...a certain song I saw on one of his CDs kind of hit a raw nerve....It was titled "I shouldnt even be here"
My parents and lots of people just had too many kids...and the changing world changed and out of those kids ...there just have to be some of them that people just love to burn....to have them grovel before their feet for just one little moment of peace...or just a little appreciation.
I find that I am not very close to my mother. I live like a mile and half from my mom and dad....and I've only visited them maybe 3-4 times the past 7 or months. I also find that sometimes I get very defensive and emotionally guarded.
I did sing my mom one of her favorite songs and added alot of mandolin voicing on my guitar riffs.
Since I have a very full 5th house....Sun conjunct Venus in Aries, mercury conjunct Ceres al the 5th house....I tend to emotionally gravitate toward my beloved child (who is 21 but I still love like my child, who I thought was the most beautiful baby I ever saw)
Even my "best friend" according to them....I keep an emotional distance to them and to most people. Even though that runs counter to being a singer musician...to find myself playing and telling jokes to alot of people.
Playing and singing to my mom was tough since a very good 3 piece marachi band played her some songs for mothers day early in the morning. they are very good. She thought I was a fine guitarist as any she's ever heard.
My dad however....could care less about all "the damn holidays" and sometimes says...."I'm starting to see you as STRANGE....no one on my side of my family were musicians worth a damn....not my grandfather, not my dad, none of my brothers, and cousins....they couldnt play or sing anything worth a damn."
During those times....I had to remind my dad...musicians are not born..they are made either by friendly instructors or they make themselves. It wasnt easy to learn how to play all those instruments and it took years and years and lot of self studies...you never sprung for any piano lessons or guitar lessons. I had to do it all the hard way.
I sometimes wonder why it is that I feel so emotionally detached from my parents. Maybe it was the sheer misery of extreme poverty as a little child next to the youngest in a big family working all day in the hot sun...during summers...from dawn to almost dusk from early grade school to Jr high.
they say kids emotionally abandon their parents to be with friends etc. Sometimes parents abandon kids by shouldering them huge workloads and almost being impatient for them to grow up fast and fend for themselves. I guess I was never ready to work like that and even now they arent there for me....not understanding why I would devote so much time and energy to Music instead of working night and day....and always living in the past when in the 60s there was always hard work in the fields, orchards, etc. All work which has long been gone replaced by cities and an over surplus of a workers in a constant booming population.
Nor can they understand why I think big families short changes people...because theres too many kids and not enough Parenting to go around. An intelligent sentential life form should know that over population is a evolutionary dead end street...too much haves and have nots....dwindling resources, jobs, decent love partners competed for viciously and everybody so dang territorial.
My dad never told me he loved me....and my mom I dont remember ever hearing her tell me I love you either.
My child listens to heavy metal...a certain song I saw on one of his CDs kind of hit a raw nerve....It was titled "I shouldnt even be here"
My parents and lots of people just had too many kids...and the changing world changed and out of those kids ...there just have to be some of them that people just love to burn....to have them grovel before their feet for just one little moment of peace...or just a little appreciation.
