Why does he keep on popping up in my life?

[darkdreamer]

Hi,

I have no experiences with doing horaries, but I had a burning question, that had been in the "making" for quite some time, but it`s just now that it was actually "there" in my mind.

Last week I`ve been to a concert. I`ve liked the singer for 14 years now; well "liked" isn`t the right word. Without knowing it he sent me through hell. I`ve been struggling against my feelings for him for 14 years.
When I saw him for the first time (on TV) 14 years ago, it was a shock, a really traumatic experience. Even now I can`t describe those feelings.
He fascinated me like noone else until then, and yet I was terribly scared of him. However, I calmed myself and told myself that I would never have the chance to see him live, since he was in Vienna at that time, and I am living far far away from Vienna.

Well, the year after I saw him on that TV show, he moved to a city, only one hour away from me. Shock No 1.
But I pretended to not care. I stayed away from each and every musical he has played in in my neighbourhood (I love musicals, so that was a hard task).
I even detached from musicals generally just to not run into him, coincidentally. I knew he was gay, I knew he had a boyfriend, and above all I knew, that he unsettled me.
Well, in that year my life just broke down. All my faith, my belief (I had always been very spiritual, believing in telepathy and those things). And in that year it all broke down; I couldn`t believe anymore. I felt like I was dying inside.
However, it wasn`t long after my withdrawel from musicals and anything spiritual (my mother called it: Behave like a grown-up!), that several friends came to me to ask about him. I had noone told about him, but they knew I loved musicals and he was a musical star. And it turned out that he had been in hospital, because he had been having a nervous breakdown or something like that, and my friends had friends, who were working at that hospital. *sighs*

However, coincidence! I told myself! (Oh btw I even looked up his phone number, just as a joke; I mean I didn`t really expect to find it in a phone book. But I did. And surprise surprise, it was almost identical to mine except for one number, and a different city of course. Another coincidence.)
Well, a few months after that, my aunt forced me to see a certain musical. I didn`t want to go there. I was scared going there. And I didn`t understand this. And no, for once in my life, I didn`t know who would be member of the cast. It`s not really a surprise, that this particular musicalstar was playing the lead, no?

Time went by, I moved to another city, a small town at the end of the world. With no culture, no theatre, no musicals. I was starving! I can tell you.
I had opened up to musicals again, at that point.
And one day, I was walking down the street, I was feeling a certain pull into a direction, and when the feeling of being pulled stopped, I found myself in front of a huge advertisment with his face. He was doing a tour, and was giving a concert in that town. That town at the end of the world.
Okay, I know, another coincidence.

This year - another job, another town, again at the end of the world, this time the other end- my friend suddenly insisted of us going to a musical open air concert. My friend doesn`t even like musicals! But she insisted, she even bought the tickets. I didn`t really want to go there. A pattern I know. *sighs* Yes, he was there. Of course he was there.
Several other things happened, so many coincidences.
This october he was producing a cd. And he was producing it in my home-town, where my parents are still living. Actually the sound studio were only about 500 metres away from my house. But no i didn`t meet him. Unless it counts that he almost run me over with his car. lol
And last week I was at that concert. I ended up 1st row, which I didn`t want to, but there was a mistake, and my seat had been double booked, so they offered me the seat in 1st row.
And he totally shook me. My whole being vibrated whenever he was singing, looking at me or standing at my side of stage.
I don`t understand this.

And so I put up a horary and asked, why he keeps on popping up in my life, or almost touching my life.
Just I`m lost to interpreting it.
Does anyone see an answer to that question? Why he keeps on "appearing" in my life? Is there a reason behind it, or am I just nuts?




Thank you in advance.

Kerstin

[waterman]

You are the Ascendant, and its ruler...
Taurus Rising... So you're Venus in the 8th

He is the Descendant (i guess... if i'm wrong, please correct me)
Scorpio Descendant... Pluto in 8

They are conjunct, so inseperable
And Venus approaches Pluto...
It's like you approach him... in 8... a certain fatality is present as you describe it...

[darkdreamer]

You asked, if he was the descendant.
WEll, of course this was never a relationship; I haven`t even spoken to him!
But nevertheless I think he`s Descendant, since something inside me must have related to him.
I`m still confused and puzzled by him almost touching my life so many times.
You said, there is some kind of fatality. It surely feels like there is. And still I don`t understand it. *sighs* And if there`s something "fateful" to this "connection", what does fate try to tell me? I`m really confused and clueless.

[moondance7]

Can you give both birth dates, times and places,please?

[flower]

I'm thinking about obsessions. And not in a "negative" way, but an unconscious energy manifested into synchronisities with him.

The rulers (traditonal) Pluto Dsc. and Venus Asc. are in 8th no less...

I hope others can comment further for you. I'm simply bringing this energy signature to mind....It's hard to know what is going on from his side.

[flower]

Also, with further thought, the modern ruler of Scorpio is Mars. I wonder what he represents as far as your Animus? Along with the horary question and deductions of the aspects these are things to consider to glean deeper meaning.

I'm not saying you will never meet him (after all, Katie Holmes wanted to marry Tom Cruise since a child! ). Seems she did meet and marry her Prince Charming...the projection of her Animus....

Flower

[darkdreamer]

Moondance7,

my data:
18 / 12 / 1974
07:07 a.m.
Viersen (near Düsseldorf in Germany)

his data:
22/ 12 / 1966
about 13:16 p.m.
Mainz, Germany


Flower,

obsession, yes, probably. One that is hard to understand.
It`s not that I didn`t try to get him from my mind. But there are all those things happening that prevent this.

Regarding, his side of the connection. WEll, he doesn`t know me, so even if he wasn`t gay, it would still be an onesided thing. But a very persistent onesided thing.
However, I noticed something about that horary in comparision with our natal horoscopes.

The DC of the horary is closely conjunct his natal Neptune and Draconic Venus and Eros.
The DC is also trine my natal Eros.
The IC of the horary is conjunct my natal Vertex and Eros and opposite my Sun-Moon-midpoint.
It`s also trine his natal Saturn and Neptune.
I don`t even know if this means anything at all or has no significance, but I couldn`t help noticing it.

[darkdreamer]

Flower,

it`s interesting that you mention Mars.
Because actually Mars plays a huge role in the comparision of our horoscopes (I cannot call it synastry, I think, since he doesn`t know me).
Well, he has some Martian - influence with Moon and Ascendant in Aries and a Venus-Mars-square.
Interestingly my Draconic Sun, Mercury and Venus all fall in Aries; my draconic Venus is actually conjunct his Moon and Ascendant.
Oh and his Mars is strongly aspected by my planets.
His Mars is square my Venus (3°), sextie my Mars (4°), quinkunx Jupiter (2°), sextile Neptune (1°), conjunct Pluto (0°), sextile NN (1°), sextile AC (2°), conjunct MC (4°).
I think the source of that obsession might be the Venus-Mars-Pluto-Eros-connections.
My Venus is conjunct his Venus and Eros (exact).
His Mars is conjunct my Pluto (exact).
And those two conjunctions square each other. So, this could be a little bit obsessive. I was actually VERY surprised to find such aspects. In any other horoscope I would have assumed, sexual attraction would play a major role. But since that is out of question in this case, I have no clue what it all means.
And now the horary actually emphasizes this again, with that Venus-Pluto-influence.

[moondance7]

I am unsurprised that you are fascinated with this man considering the contacts in your charts. Just because he is not attracted to women doesn't mean women can't be attracted to him, either. There is always the possibility that he is bi-sexual, but it seems very unlikely with his natal aspects. My advice (unasked for)is to not be upset about your obsession with him, but do not let it get out of hand to the point where you try to get involved with him, because a positive outcome seems unlikely. I do understand your reaction to him,however, and know it is hrad to suppress. Good luck.

[Kim Falconer]

Hi Darkdreamer,

Because Mars is the traditional ruler of Scorpio (which was only assigned to Pluto about 70 years ago) I would look to BOTH planets as the ruler of the Descendant (in this case simply the 'other'--him)

I would still call it synastry, because we can look at the synastry and composite charts between us and, for example, people who are not even alive and learn something about the 'interaction'. As I've mentioned in earlier posts, I used Amelia Earhart as an example in one of my books and spent much time researching her. Later I looked at our synastry and composite and was amazed at the connection, especially along the lines of the written or spoken word and publishing!

We all have a synastry and a composite with every person who has ever lived and who will ever live. What magic enters our lives and says, 'this one' you will meet, or study, or love from afar, or be profoundly moved by, I do not know but I don
T believe is shown in the chart. It is 'something else'. Clearly that 'something else' is at work to activate your synastry with your musical man. You may not be 'doing' anything to him, but you are certainly aware of what he is doing to you!

Looking at this horary, I won't be surprised if you meet (Venus approaching Pluto, Moon approaching Pluto) OR have a kind of epiphany around the meaning and purpose of your connection. I wouldn't worry about him being gay. Not everything is about sex and this connection sound to me like it transcends the ordinary levels of reality.

What do you think?

Kim

[flower]

Thanks for clarifying the rulers Kim. I had that backwards.

[darkdreamer]

Hi Moondance,

Well, I would never even think about getting involved with him. lol That is absolutely out of question.
What I`ve been thinking about though, is, if I should approach him after a show and talk to him; you know the usual smalltalk, from fan to star. Yes, I`m trying to keep my feet on the ground of reality. I said, I`m trying, not that I will succeed. ;D
But I`m really fascinated with this man, on many levels. And one thing that just threw me for a loop is the fact, that he is so spiritually inclined. I remember that it really uplifted my spirit when I read many years ago he was doing astrology; it was encouraging for me, because I had been starting doing astrology about the same time as him, and still being in school, it was very difficult to stay true to myself. Because almost everyone was looking down on me with that look: "Astrology? And I always thought you were intelligent. Well, I guess I was wrong."
And my mother had been worried and tried to talk me out of doing astrology, because she thought it was dangerous.
So, it was great to learn about someone who also did astrology and apparently had survived the ignorance of others.


Hi Kim,

"I would still call it synastry, because we can look at the synastry and composite charts between us and, for example, people who are not even alive and learn something about the 'interaction'"
Yes, that sounds plausible. It seems to be like some kind of "one-way-synastry".


"Clearly that 'something else' is at work to activate your synastry with your musical man."
Yes. But I`ve had crushes on celebrities before (even though he doesn`t really feel like a crush), but after a certain time they disappeared again. And that was okay for me, the natural flow of these things, I guess.
But with this man it`s different. He somehow keeps on coming back.

"Looking at this horary, I won't be surprised if you meet (Venus approaching Pluto, Moon approaching Pluto) OR have a kind of epiphany around the meaning and purpose of your connection."
I would appreciate this very much.
WEll, before I`ve always been shy and avoided approaching him.
But when I was to that concert last week, I could all at once feel an urgent desire to talk to him. Circumstances prevented this, and it`s probably good they did. But for the first time in my life I feel I really want to meet him. Í just want to thank him for his great performances.
but knowing me, I`m not so sure, if I didn`t say anything stupid like: "I feel such a strong connection to you. Can you feel it, too, or am I just absolutely crazy and should be locked up somewhere?"
At the moment I`m really afraid, I could do something stupid like this. *sighs* I must sound like a crazy fan, but Ì can assure you I`m not dangerous, I only feel the need for some answers. That`s all.
But I`m realistic and controlled enough to not get carried away, I hope.



"Not everything is about sex"
No. To be honest, I`m not even sure if I`m sexually attracted to him. I`m strongly fascinated and attracted to him, but it`s not the same feeling you get when you "fall" for someone.


"and this connection sound to me like it transcends the ordinary levels of reality."
WEll, this almost knocked me off my feet, because it`s exactly what I feel.
I feel connected to him on a very deep level (and I would like to know if I`m only a poor lunatic illusional woman, grasping for straws).
That is reflected in my dreams. Throughout the last 14 years I have had countless dreams of him. NOt every day or every week, but you can say, about every two months at least one dream.
Some of them were quite strange, because they somehow came true or later events explained dreams, I had before and couldn`t understand then.
And one funny thing happened last summer; my friends and me were going to an open air concert, he was supposed to attend.
And I, out of the blue, said: "I don`t know if he will be here."
My friend asked me why he shouldn`t come, and I told her that I had a feeling he was sick, something to do with the stomach, and that he might not make it to the concert. But nevertheless I had that "vibration" inside, and so I thought I might have been wrong, and just being crazy.
Well, he was there, but the first thing he told the audience was that he had been sick, even the morning of this very day; a nasty stomach-thing.
Well, I will never forget the look, my friend shot me then; how could I have known?
Such little things happen all the time, and they are making me crazy.

Sorry, for the ranting. But I feel I have to get this out of my circuit.
So thank you for listening or reading.

Darkdreamer

[Kim Falconer]

Hi Darkdreamer,

I am getting the feeling of how intense this is for you and how it can be overwhelming at times. I also feel that these kinds of connections are quite 'normal' and the only reason why we think it is 'crazy' is because our cultural and social conditioning does not support this kind of experience.

On a quantum level, we are all energy, everything is energy, and everything is connected. On a quantum level, the connection you describe is a given.

You sais, Such little things happen all the time, and they are making me crazy.

If you start to realize that you are deeply connected to people that you focus on (we all are) you may begin to feel more comfortable with you 'psychic link' to music man. It's actually quite natural for us to have these links, though again, our social and cultural myths do not support it. If you were in a community, culture or tribe that did support it, being linked to him in this way would be no different than liking the color blue or the smell of roses.

I wonder what would happen if you fully accepted you attraction and connection to him as normal and healthy for you and followed your intuition about meeting him, if and when it felt right. I don't see this intense link as a problem; I think it is a phenomenon that has been judged a certain way, which is making you feel uncomfortable with it.

Does that make sense?

As spiritual beings, as energy, we have a natural desire to attract what is 'like' us and we gravitate towards that which is 'like us'. You may get a better understanding of this if you meet.

Take deep breaths. If these feeling towards him make you smile, make you feel good inside, then they are supporting you--not harming.

Warm wishes,
Kim

[darkdreamer]

Hi Kim,

with this post you stroke several chords in me.


"ow it can be overwhelming at times."
Yes, it is.



"hy we think it is 'crazy' is because our cultural and social conditioning does not support this kind of experience. quantum level, we are all energy, everything is energy, and everything is connected. On a quantum level, the connection you describe is a given. "
I agree. I`ve always thought this way, at least on a theoretical level, but it`s totally different to actually experience something like this.

"If you start to realize that you are deeply connected to people that you focus on (we all are) you may begin to feel more comfortable with you 'psychic link' to music man."
WEll, I`m quite certain now, that I am somehow connected to him, but I would like to know if there`s the possibility that he somehow feels that connection,t oo. Of course not like I do. But maybe on a subconscious level.


"Take deep breaths. If these feeling towards him make you smile, make you feel good inside, then they are supporting you--not harming. "
They make me feel very good. It`s only afterwards that I start to analyzing and judging, as you pointed out. I try to find a category, a definition for what I`m experiencing, but this is so out of my usual categorie`s.
But whenever I see him I just feel alive. I have set high walls around my heart in the past years, judging feelings as "you`re allowed to feel this now" or "you`re not allowed to feel like this". But everytime I see him my heart just opens up, and he doesn`t have to do anything; just by being himself he somehow manages to "reach" me and makes me feel vibrating with joy and life.

Still I would like to know if he feels a tiny little part of the connection, too, and therefore I set up another horary with that question.
Probably it can`t be answered (I fear I really have to meet him to know, if he somehow noticed me , but I thought I`d give it a try (a last try; then I will drop the horaries regarding him; it shouldn`t be overanalyzed I guess).





I will use that as an exercise to understand hoaries a bit more.


Í am Ascendant, he is Descendant. Capricorn is intercepted in 1st house, Cancer is intercepted in 7nd house.
My significators are Jupiter and Saturn, and Venus and Pluto, because they are in 1st house.
His significators are Mercury and Moon.

There is actually an applying conjunction of our main significators, Mercury and Jupiter. (They are also parallel). His significator is approaching mine, so that would mean, that on some level he may have noticed me, right so far?
That conjunction falls into my 11th and his 5th house; I`m not sure what that means. The 11th house stands for friends, so does it mean I see him as a friend or a likeminded person? And what about the 5th house? Does it maybe indicate that a meeting / noticing would take place in a creative environment, like for example a concert, musical, theatre and similiar things?

His Significator Mercury has also a conjunction to Mars, while Mars is conjunct my significator Juptier. That seems to be meaningful. Mars somehow is between us. But does it mean, he separates us or he connects us?
However, Mars rules my 4th and my 11th house. So the third party involved must have to do with those houses.
My father? My friends? An end of something?
Since Mars rules his 10th and 5th house, could it also have something to do with his profession? his mother? a hobby of his?
Mmh, I don`t see it clear.

Mercury has separated from a square to Saturn, my secondary significator. There have been obstacles, delays in the past?

His secondary significator, Moon, is exactly inconjunct Uranus, but is separating from this aspect again.
There has been a need for adjustments very recently. Uranus is also the last planet the moon has conjuncted in the past, so maybe it means something unexpected, shocking happened in the past?
Uranus rules my 2nd house and his 8th house. What does money have to do with this all? Or is it more about values? Fears?

Since Moon also describes the "course of action" as I read somewhere, I look at her aspects, too.
trine Sun
opposite Neptune
conjunct Saturn
trine Pluto
trine Venus


Mmh, the trine to Sun looks good, but the Sun is placed in 12th house, so maybe there is a connection, but it is unnoticed?
Since Sun rules 8th house, there`s another mentioning of 8th house issues, even though I don`t know what that means.
Then there`s an opposition to Neptune; opposition indicates separation, right?
Neptune rules my 3rd house - so unclear, confused communication? Misunderstandings? Maybe there will be a contact, but it will be unsatisfying?
Moon also conjuncts Saturn. That would be also a contact between our significators, but Saturn is retograde. Does it mean I withdraw? I make this contact impossible.
On the hand, by going retograde, SAturn actually also moves towards Moon. What does that mean?


The last two aspects are trines to Venus and Pluto.
Those planets are also co-significators of mine. A sign that a contact is possible?
Those planets rule the 5th, 10th, 11th house, so there`s yet another emphasis on these houses.

Did I do anything wrong with that interpretation? I know I must have made a lot of mistake, since it`s my first attempt. ;D
I hope you will correct me, if I`m going wrong.


Thank you all for being so helpful and listening to me. That means a lot to me.

Darkdreamer

[Kim Falconer]

Hi Darkdreamer,

You did great!

Just briefly, in Horary the question is very important, so first up, state it clearly. What exactly is the question? Is it "Does he feel connected to me?" or "How does he feel about me?" or . . . ? ?

As for your rulers, I would use only Jupiter and Mercury because they are the planets that rule the signs on the actual cusps. The interceptions can offer information in a horary chart, but to find the ruling planets of the querent and the quesited, use the cusps only.

Other than that, your speculations are very good. Again we have the applying conjunction and I think these horary charts are patiently saying that you will meet. Where? Perhaps in his 5th house (at an entertainment center, cast party or performance) and quite likely with some of your (11th house) friends. The introduction may be made through a friend or third person.

I think it's a little unlikely that he feels connected to you directly if he hasn't had the opportunity to ever see or meet you. I think the horary points to that meeting.

Can anyone else comment here?

Warm wishes,
Kim