Desire to Consummate But Fear?

[blueorchids]

I have been thinking about Kim's wise words on asking the proper Horary question and giving great thought to it. After deciding to pull back and try to focus less on Doc, the book project and the heady tension between us ---and more on my children and family and home, I began last week to have a series of nightly dreams that would awake me. Indeed, for the entire year, whenever I have made a conscientious effort to pull back, assess and breathe with this bond (i.e read disappear and stop writing him emails) I have had a gnawing sense of Doc spilling over my transom. It is as if I am being telegraphed and it always feels out of control and frankly sexual. Granted neither of us have ever acted in that manner in each other's presence---even but that is what the feeling is and it is always fraught with fear.

I didn't think I had it in me but I do. So I asked the following:

Does he have the desire to consummate this bond but is consumed by fear?

Of course the first thing I looked for was Neptune to make certain it was not in House I and I entirely deceiving myself with these potent dreams and eerie read.

I am Venus as ruler of the Taurus Ascendant. Venus sits in H9 Capricorn. He is Mars in Taurus H12. Mars is battling a host of issues. Sitting in Venus ruled Taurus--the lap of love and beauty he is in detriment. What's more he is wavering (retrograde) and finally he is in House 12. While Mars in Taurus signifies on its own strength including sexually, in 12th house he is encompassed by deep thought, vivid fantasy, imagination, secrets and possibly hiding. Mars in House 12 retrograde!

The two planets of Venus and Mars form a trine but they are separating; she is moving forward; he is moving deeper and farther back into H12. This matches exactly what is currently happening here. I am overwhelmed but positively focused on my family and work/Studio obligations, but I am possessed by my dreams and the ebb and then crescendo of feelings about him. He is fixed in his protective state?

The Moon has moved out of Cancer exaltation and is now in Leo in H4, land of home and hearth and conjunct to the IC, inner emotions. This reflects where I am right now and its seems dead on . The Moon and Mars are moving towards aspect as he retros and she moves forward, the aspect will occur sooner rather than later seeming to indicate that he may wish to consummate.

But the more telling transits of the Moon emphasize the 2nd part of the question (?). The Moon squares him--Mars first then conjuncts Saturn only to move on to squares with Venus , and opppostion to Neptune and end on a square with the Sun(?). I see just an overwhelming plate of stress and tensions here.

Anyone else?

[chrissymgreen]

dear blueorchids,

well, i did notice the nice reception between your significator and his -- he is in your sign and you are in his exaltation. that does help his detriment status.

in addition, i noticed that he (as mars) is actually in his house of fear. fear is ruled by both the 6th and 8th houses, and he is in his 6th house (6th house from 7th).

i think this alone answers your question with a yes!

i also noticed mercury rx in his house. mercury rules his 8th house (8th from 7th is the 2nd house of the chart, with gemini on the cusp) and so represents some of his fears, possibly the more passionate or intimate fears (as befits the 8th house). since mercury is retrograde, i suspect that he is fearing something he's feared before.

i noticed as well the sun is in his house (the general significator of men), so it represents him. it's in the 29th degree of scorpio. possibly something is about to change for him?



i could probably think of more things to say, but i'm rushed for time right now. hope this helps!



sincerely,
chrissy

[Blueorchid]

Thanks Chrissy,

...For taking a shot at this. Your comments are very helpful. I feel stymied and frustrated and am just leaving it alone and trying to breathe. I just think if I stop writing him he'll just be fine with it. And staring with an odd longing look at me every 90 days through every appointment...His sharing the book idea is him talking out loud as he does with me suddenly and on occasion. I am a doer and even with the book, I started reseraching and reading and he simply seems dreamy about it and sharing the dream idea...

Fascinating that Mercury in Retro and the 8th House connection. His natal Merucry is in retro and his natal 8th house packed. And fears, I sense everything about me is now engendering fear. And yes the SUN is moving in to Sag there and I don't know what is about to change....

Thanks again

[Kim Falconer]

Hello Blueorchid,

These are all insightful comments above. I am pretty uncomfortable with his ruler's condition, Rx, Det, 12th. square Sa/Ne and not well aligned with the moon. If you can say anything, you can say he's uncomfortable--perhaps not well at the time of the question.

'Consumed' by fears is strong language! (you don't do it in halves, do you!)

As far as he is positioned, I don't think there will be any meaningful communication right away. The sun changes signs before the Moon completes her aspect, so your final one is the trine to Pluto. I don't see a resolution for him immediately, but I think there is one for you!

Kim

[Blueorchids cant log in]

Thanks Kim. LOL. "Not well" that puts a realistic patina on it, huh? And yes the sun and the moon miss contact quite closely before he moves to Sagittarius.

Yes, in this regard, this situation is all in my hands. In Liz Greene's composite of us I note she says he has a pure gentle Poet persona and I have an Amazon persona but the flavor of our bond is pure erotic in the most full and comprehensive meaning of the word.

If I write just the right words in just the right way I may get a warm affectionate response. Emphasis on "may" and with my current life beckoning I may simply go at my own pace and wait til after the holidays to see how I am faring with it. I am sure it will cross his mind that I have not sent my usual weekly cheery missive but so be it. It will all play out in its own time. That I am certain of. Or as my dead Scoprio mother used to say wittily, "One way or the other, it will work out..."

PS: yeah "consumed" and consummation.... Guilty as charged about not going in halves...!! LOL

[Blueorchid]

Sorry for all the typos friends!!!!! The site says I am logged in but then it keeps saying I am a guest so I can't edit now. Sorry there are many errors in my post!

[Kim Falconer]

Thanks for your feedback, Blueorchids,

I'll see if I can discover why you're having trouble logging in and posting. does it say you are logged in after you 'refresh' the page?

Kim

[blueorchids]

It's working now Kim...maybe just that bloodly Rx Mercury....