Heart is breaking, please help

[sopranokris]

As some of you know, I'm going through a break-up in my marriage (good old Uranus transiting the 4th house). I've been seeing someone else for the past 6 months. We've been head-over-heels about each other every single day. We also have tons of Eros aspects, etc. so needless to say, it's been an electric, exciting romance.

Today, we had a misunderstanding and now I'm feeling totally vulnerable & heartbroken right now. Can anyone look at this horary I created for the exact moment I thought of the question: "Does this relationship have a future?"

Kim did our Eros compatitbility reports and they were dead-on accurate. I just want to know if I'm setting myself up for more heartbreak or if it's worth it to keep this going. Every bit of me loves him so much and it's killing me, the thought of us not getting through this.

[Kim Falconer]

Hello Sopranokris,

This is the thing about erotic relationships--those with strong Eros--you don't stay in 'sameness'. With the Erotic relationship, there is room for, even necessity for, change, anger, passion, disagreement, challenge and transformation. The 'static' relationship holds onto 'sameness' for security--not to with the Erotic.

I suspect your current experience is one of growth and change--the Eros between you keeping you from becoming complacent or falling into old patterns.

Could this be?

As far as the Horary goes, you are clearly 'confused and distraught' by the events surrounding the question.

Moon last over the rising Neptune in Aquarius says you are 'undone' by the experience--not in your power or standing your ground. It feels like the ground has melted away beneath your feet. It can feel like a dismemberment-a drowning.

I think, by your reference to romance and the fact that he is not your husband, we can give him the 5th house--Mercury as ruler. Would you place him there or is this a 'committed relationship"?

If he is ruled by Mercury, we have your co-ruler Moon approaching a trine in water (emotional repair?) In that case, there is a future though it will have many twists and turns. This is just the beginning.

How do you read these signs?

Warmly,
Kim

[Kris]

Hi sopranokris,

Eros contacts involving Psyche as well are very potent in producing long lasting transformations. These contacts does not guarantee lasting relationship but the effect of their contact manifest permanently.

Transit Eros Psyche opposition started around 25th Sept and the opposition become exact during 16-18 Oct 2005.

Kim says:
By transit, Psyche opposite Eros may coincide with the waking up of longings for union, connection and psychic sensitivity to the things and people we love. It could happen in unexpected or even taboo ways! If we are in stagnant relationships, this conjunction may jolt us into wanting something deeper—believing that more is possible. If alone, we may feel the compelling desire to be with someone and attract them into our lives.

Your feel would be more intense during 16-18 oct, the exact opposition dates of Eros and Psyche. Check your natal chart for similar potent contacts. If you them, you are going to have a long lasting transformation which could go either way of 'binding' relation.

Don't allow Neptune induced confusion take your mind and heart. Be cautious and patient. Diplomacy works a lot better under these circumstances.

Kris

[sopranokris]

Hi Kim,

Yes, I would say that he should represent Mercury. Although we both have said the "I want this to last forever" phrase, we haven't made that commitment yet. We're both in the midst of ending long marriages.

I just feel so absolutely confused. Things felt "perfect" and for 6 months, it's been wonderful. Then, all of a sudden, I've felt like he's pulled back a bit from me. So, instead of me burying my feelings & not talk about it (which I *always* do), I decided that I should be open & honest about how I was perceiving the situation. So, I poured my heart out about how confused I was feeling about our relationship in an e-mail.

He hasn't responded to the e-mail or answer the phone when I called. I'm at a complete loss. I feel like "what did I do that was so wrong?" All I was doing was trying to be honest about my feelings instead of burying them and pretending everything's OK. I'm just absolutely stunned by his silence. I've never had such a strong connection with anyone in my life and I feel with every fiber of my being that I want to continue our relationship. That's why I posed the question "does this relationship have a future?" because I feel like it does. Being a Pisces and having Neptune in the 1st house, I am very easily self-deluded (my "rose colored glasses").

Kris, to address your Eros/Phyche question:

Me: Eros 27 Sag & Psyche 25 Pisces
Him: Eros 24 Gemini & Psyche 5 Aquarius

I guess all I can do at this point is wait for him to call. Patience is not one of my strong suits (Mars in Aries) and I'm feeling like I just want to know WHY all of this is happening. Thank you both so much for responding. I truly do appreciate all your help & advice.

Kim, I'm wondering if maybe I was being too hasty in feeling like this could be a permanent relationship (we both have Juno in the 4th house, in the same sign of Pisces)? I don't know, I feel like I can't think clearly at all.

[Kim Falconer]

Thanks Kris, that's good input re Psyche and Eros.

Sopranokris, I can really feel how difficult this is for you right now. It's like splash of cold water in the face and you're still blinking--trying to see what happened!

You expressed your feelings--noting wrong with that! I know it is easy to 'self-doubt' at times like these but emotional honesty, given and received, is the ground of a creative relationship. You are setting the right ground.

Not saying how you feel paves the way for a static, repressed and frozen existence. Trust yourself that you are doing what is right for you--saying how you feel!

Perhaps you need to see him face to face to express what's going on and clear this misunderstanding or miscommunication. Email is WONDERFUL but it can also be misread. There is no body language and no immediate response so you are left stranded with (in this case) nothing back! ugh!

Can you ring him? Say you need to talk? How free or unconstrained is this relationship?

If you don't have 'access' it's going to add to the sense of emotional abandonment.

The horary is a valid tool in this case, but the question really needs to be posed to him.

Let us know how you go.

You aren't alone in this---boy have I been there!!!!

Warm wishes and light,
Kim

[sopranokris]

Kim,

Thank you so much for your supportive response. You are very right, I have to trust myself that I'm doing the right thing and saying honestly how I feel.

The reason for the e-mail is that we are currently in a long-distance relationship. We are only able to physically see each other once a month, but we talk each & every day. We talk via e-mail all day long at work, we talk on the phone, we send text messages, etc. We're *always* talking. (With his Eros in Gemini & mine exactly opposite his in Sag, that can be quite some "interesting" e-mail).

The problem arose that I misinterpreted some of his actions to mean he's pulling back from me. He swears that's not the case, but he got extremely upset that I would "accuse" him of that when he's done nothing wrong. Now he's VERY upset, but I didn't "accuse" him and I'm flabbergasted trying to figure out how expressing my feelings came off as an accusation. It's so frustrating. It's all a stupid misunderstanding and I feel terrible because all I was trying to do was express how insecure I was feeling. I'm just going to give him some space right now until he's ready to talk. It's killing me because all I want to do is pick up the phone and talk things out. You're right, I do feel like I have had cold water splashed in my face.

Why does love have to be so complicated? AARRGGHH!!!

I'll keep you updated as events occur. His birthday is on Sunday so maybe he'll be in a better mood by then, who knows. Again, thank you all so much. It's nice to know that there are great people out there who understand what it's like.

Take care,

--Kristin

[sopranokris]

UPDATE

Well, after getting the silent treatment for 4 days straight, he finally called me this morning. He apologized profusely for shutting me out all weekend. Apparently, what I had said had touched a particular deep wound from a past relationship. So, he sorted things through this weekend and then called me this morning and told he how much he loves me.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I was going crazy with worry that our relationship might end over what seemed to be a small misunderstanding. But the greatest thing is that we talked things through. It's so easy to have the "love, fantasy, world-is-your-oyster" romance, but it is much more difficult to deal with past hurts that hinder you moving forward in your relationship.

He's got transiting Saturn squaring Mercury right now in his natal chart, so NO WONDER we had such a misunderstanding and no wonder he withdrew and just assumed the worst.

Thanks for all the advice & support. Most importantly, thank you for giving me hope that we could work things out. I'm so glad they did I feel so happy today, what a difference a day makes.

[amoroso]

So glad to read your news! Amoroso

[sopranokris]

Thanks, Amoroso! Good luck with your concert (I just read your thread)

[Kim Falconer]

And the relationship deepens!

Kim