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Post by gemstar on Jul 23, 2006 13:34:14 GMT
Hi Prima.....Ha,ha, ha.....you are FUNNY! Great answers to your guy's best Friend!! Certainly you gave him something to THINK about....re-his views of women (girls) and his relationships. A houseful of girls can be loads of fun as well! Sorta like a sorority house with lots of drama perhaps but also lots of understanding!! For me, as the only girl with three other brothers, there is a huge divide in their understanding and compassion for me. I am viewed as 'too sensitive' because I openly display my emotions and thoughts. ( Not a drama queen in the least....just strong and sure of her standing!! Gem communicates in a clear and concise manner!) Hey, as I always say, I would rather be sensitive than 'insensitive'!! Ooooo...that one ticks off my father BIGTIME!! One further thought.....on the original question you posed for me....perhaps I have already put in my time with 'care-giving' on the day-to-day basis. Maybe my efforts in that arena are completed and my energy is now supposed to be directed in a more worldly caring manner!!?? The cooking, cleaning, diaper-changing, organizing, laundry, yard-work etc.....the work of motherhood at times...all completed at a time for me when most young adults are being just that, young adults!! My teen-time was limited greatly by these heavy 'mother' responsibilities. None of my friends had this weight....the teen years are tough enough without the additional BS of having a mother who wished to be elsewhere!! Maybe I should be content with that direct/physical 'mothering' experience?? Hmmmm.....perhaps. Years of this physical work was not easy....so I can empathize with the mothers/parents/single fathers out there!! There just seems to be little satisfaction from the whole experience for me....there are no tangible results from my efforts (ie-grown children!). Just a family who treats me like I am a servant....'present' to serve their needs!! Just ridiculous......odd even. It would be different if I was a 12 yo teen-Mom with a baby on her own....but I nearly experienced the same thing!! But lacking the unconditional love of a child perks....it does make for odd dynamics depending on which parent is around. My brothers treat me with condescension around my father...and around my mother, I am more of the authority. My mother despises this. Truthfully, I can do without either!!!! (** GemStar takes a moment to release her need to question this past....**) Ahhhhh...fresh air!! Hey, I forgot to mention something about your friend...the eldest one? Cool woman it seems....I 'get' her completely!! She ROCKS!! So, I am assuming you are now back on with your guy?? How is this NN transit affecting HIM?? If your natal NNode affects his chiron, maybe you will see some trends at this time? Hugs- GemStar
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Post by gemstar on Jul 23, 2006 13:45:23 GMT
Dear aquarianessence- Thank you for your thoughts. I do like to believe I have touched the lives of many children...for quite some time now. Back in High school, I volunteered with elementary-aged children three times a week. It was a peer-counseling program where the school officials chose 12 individuals (out of 3000 students) who would receive special training to work with certain types of kids. Abused mostly. It was very moving for me....and I ran into one of the mothers two years ago who thanked me again for the time I spent with her son! (Over 20 years ago!!) THAT was special... As for my father's insecurities, yes, you are not the first to make that comment. He does not believe he has one insecurity whatsoever!! How can someone be so dense as to not see the obvious trait of 'insecurity'? His need to put down women is too strong in my view. There is an immature streak in him that he is unwilling to see. The difficult part is that he feels he is the 'all-giving and all-virtuous' man...that I have so much to learn from him because he is 70yo. Sure......ok. Age and Wisdom sometimes go hand-in-hand, and sometimes, Age goes alone.... Hugs- GemStar The odd part is that his Sun (SAG 29) directly opposes mine (GEM 29)...exactly and he has a natal Saturn square to his Sun as well!! His Saturn is located at my exact Saturn placement....(PIS 29)!! So...I was born during his Saturn return! The first girl to be born in something like 7 Irish-generations!! Sorta like the 'dud' sperm I often say!! ;D Ha,ha.....he is thankful he had three boys after me!! Further that....my Chinese astro year is that of the FIRE HORSE!! Very honorable placement for leaders and young men to have....considered a 'curse' to have a girl born during this time....too independent and unable to be beaten down as an obedient and acquiescing woman. Hahahaha.......he didn't stand a chance I would say!! ;D
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Post by gemstar on Jul 23, 2006 13:58:35 GMT
Hey Jadie- Yes....believe it or not, I have divorced each of my parents at different times over the years. For long periods too! 5-10 years at a time!! Minimal contact and frankly, it was the easiest time ever for me! I can FULLY empathize with you re-your sister! Sometimes it is the best thing! Because I am Cancer Moon, it makes it doubly painful to state that I have a family like I do. The outside 'portrait' is not as it seems on the inside structure. That inauthenticity drives me crazy. But mostly, I am the one who questions things....not the boys. See, when you are the one person who is in the minority opposed by the larger number, your thoughts do not carry weight. Especially within a family who puts down women and their opinions. ( my Step-mom is a typical 50s subserviant wife-she knows her place....grrrrr. Not much help there!!) I can only imagine those oppressed women of the Middle east and other cultures. There is no valid reason in this world that males or females are here to dominate the other. What idiot deemed this type of 'baseless-thinking' the way of life? Might does not make Right!! My solution of late is to stop trying to give too much of myself. It is taken for granted and is generally not terribly appreciated. So.....my lesson in this is to recognize when things are too off-balance and not continue to give more. Somehow, the giving of more has never reconciled the imbalance. Why does that happen? With my choosing to give less, it has been hard on me in some ways. It is not my nature to pay attention to the balances. However, no one should be a doormat. And it is up to that person to pay attention when their intuition is screaming to make a change-no matter how against their nature it may feel!! So.....I relinquish and distance myself as self-preservation. Contact is minimized and I do not try to give so much anymore. It feels strange. Empty almost. Fake actually. My natal Nnode is conjunct Venus in my 7th house..... connecting deeply with people is what I enjoy most! So.....this watered-down connection feels really lacking to me. The transit of Nnode conjuncting my 5th h Chiron is additive to the current tr Pluto squaring this point in my chart. It is perhaps pushing these additional/final emotions out from my pain and allowing more healing to enter. The less attached I am to these feelings, the more room for light I feel! Does this make sense to you? Anway.....bottom line....distance works for me the best at this time. Lowering my expectations to NIL works even better!! "Yuck" I say to myself.......but this choice seems to work the best for me!! Love- GemStar
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Post by gemstar on Jul 23, 2006 14:56:36 GMT
Dear tom- Thank you for your deeper thoughts as well! I certainly agree with you that in experiencing pain, we have a greater empathy to give to others in a healing manner. It is easier to reach deeper inside of others if we ourselves KNOW and can identify with various feelings based on our personal experience. Truly, as I encounter other parents....friends and otherwise, I usually feel as though I am seeking a small gift of enlightenment (in the merest of ways) to gently remind them of their Blessings. Not in a way which makes someone uncomfortable....no, that is not the point. It is to send a subliminal message for them to notice something in their child which may have been overlooked or in need of nurturing. It is quite satisfying to see the look of amazement on their face or in their voice when they SEE for themselves what they can give to their child!! It is SO teensy-tiny that no one is offended and my gift of insight is immediately acknowledged by that person. This really gratifies me and in a way, I can know that I am giving indirectly to other children....even if I never receive the credit! (Credit meaning-parents are given credit to various things as the child becomes an adult.....maybe the one thing I opened for that parent is the one thing which makes a HUGE difference in that child's view of her/himself!!) Who knows......it does feel like I am gifted in this area. I understand many things innately and perhaps my own personal sadness often comes from my Ego being unsatisfied with a lack of tangible child. Maybe it is my path to view these hurts in a broader light. And I do. As things have gone in my Life...I must. So.....with this in mind.....you touched upon a subject which has been cooking in the wee parts of my mind for many years. Because I know how it feels to struggle and be unacknowledged for multiple triumphs in life during my childhood and adultness (from the familial view), I have a deep desire to nurture and develop these parts of children's psyches-especially for those kids who do not have the proper parental support. (For whatever reasons!). PS-For my support, I have great friendships which really give me the love and support which sustains me! I feel fortunate to have another 'family' as well.....and this Forum certainly is a fabulous extension of this family too!! For quite some time, I have been working on a Children's series of Books....great characters, great adventures and ultimately, a fantastic secret written into each book which will move many people. It is rather intriguing and I think will make a difference in numerous lives. So many friends coax me to complete these books...at least ONE fully written and get things rolling!! This is part of my path I believe...and perhaps, as you stated (very perceptive my dear!), the TIME may be NOW. With tr Pluto obliterating my financial status as he rolled into my 2nd house....yikes that sucked!.....I AM being forced into new ways of earning a living/money. The old doors seem shut.....my house renovating is fun yet I have this other project of the children's book series which calls to me as well! My Gem Sun becomes scattered very easily!! Mars in Gem is not much help for me either!! Ha,ha.....oh dear!! ;D Since my Chiron is located in my 5th house and is sextile my 7th Venus/NNode, trine my 9th h Cancer Merc and Moon......the possibility of creative writing for children certainly seems to fit! For many years, I waited to have 'children' so that I could tap into their young imaginations....totally expecting that this would be my 'secret door' into the remainder of my stories. Hey....where did that part of the plan drop off to?? Hahaha.....what a letdown! So...back to the drawing-board. This means tapping into my own imagination....wide trine Neptune (Scorp) in 1st to find that inner child in myself! Perhaps tr Nnode is stirring the pot to help me dig a bit deeper to release core issues....core pain.....with better understanding and less questioning....and the book series may be the result of healing!! How about that deduction?? This children's book series may fit my theory of my 'Mother to All'....and perhaps provide valuable guidance/power/understanding/hope/positive growth for many in the world, not just my little household/family. I can envision this very clearly. With Saturn clamping down here though, I have limited myself....and have been afraid of success. Like....Who am I to say I know of these insights?? Who am I to write and be successful? Is this a pie-in-the-sky idea? Am I worthy of acclaim? How can I be knowledgeable if I do not have kids of my own? How will I be credible without revealing my private life? My family would embarrass me! Why would anyone believe that I know what I am doing when I have not born children?? Perhaps NNode transiting here wants me to release these assumptions and find my own path...without the self-imposed valuations and limiting fears. What if I re-created my persona as a formidable influence in the world of children and their personal growth?? This is a dream I would so LOVE to live....it would satisfy my need to touch many, many children....and my love would be broader than I could imagine! So....getting from A to B is my journey....and perhaps, just maybe....the path of opportunity is opening to me! Hugs- Gemstar
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Post by AquarianEssence on Jul 23, 2006 19:06:28 GMT
I think you're on the path to fully expanding Chiron's energy in your life. Chiron is in my husband's 7th, not 6 or 10. I think that the way the nodes are working there is through my adjusting to relating to him now doing the same kind of work the man I divorced did his whole life. He is a pretty boy salesman and now he smells like my ex. That's a shocker. He's always seemed more like a Pisces (his7th) rising rather than Virgo. With the nodes passing through here he is letting go of some of that Pisces persona and bringing in more of the Virgo. You should see how dirty he's getting. Even a scrub brush doesn't take it off on first try. Iv'e attributed his "reversed" ascendant to the fact that he's left handed but perhaps it is also do to his background and he has wished he were someone else. Now, I think he is integrating the two an learning to embrace his true ascendant as a right handed person. He's also developing working relationships with new people, a lot of them with things in common.
I can appreciate the distance you felt led to put between you and your family. I spent several years away from my mom because we were taken away from her but I also parted ways for about 10 years because she was trying to force me to betray someone's trust. It wasn't a healthy relationship and I needed to take a stand. I have a sister that won't speak to me because I exposed her tricking someone who couldn't read into signing a deed over to her. One brother fired me because I wouldn't lie to the court as his "office manager" concerning insurance that was available for his children. He won't ever be in my life until he acknowledges he was wrong. Frankly, I don't feel the need to be in relationship with most of my family. Another brother charged my insurance company for a new door for my car then replaced it with a used one. I found out because my husband's magnetic sign wouldn't stick right and he lost it on the highway. He's indignant that we would question him.
I think we are put into families we are very different from for exactly that reason, to challenge and make them think.
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Post by primamateria on Jul 23, 2006 23:32:51 GMT
dear Gem! well I can see that you are really working through all this!! Good for you a couple of things I thought of while I was reading through... oh I don't want to bombard you with advice on how to deal with things or run your life - I've found it so true that everything in our lives serves us - serves SOUL - so that all you're experiencing now is perfect for you... having said that.. sometimes things jump out and say - 'you can help with this!' so: children need people who aren't parents - they need people who will relate to them without the ego attachment, without the ideas of 'how children should be/behave/be treated' and without judgement. While you're in this position (and lets affirm that it need not be the way things are forever) you are uniquely positioned to really connect with kids. I noticed this about the way my kids LOVE my friend (J - who effectively raised her siblings) and feel so free to be around them... and let me tell you as a parent its a reminder to let go of attachment to those things (ideas of how they should be/behave/be treated) too. VERY important. and: write! Get 'the artists way' and start doing the work - this will unblock any blocks and get rid of ideas such as 'who am I to write?' last: the only thing that has helped me to heal myself and my relationship with my family has been to acknowledge my own pain - as completely my own experience of my family - and to find a way to love them anyway. And to refuse to engage in repeating patterns of behaviour, to engage in harmful dialogue or play any part of any dramas or games. So I don't get upset if they start to relate to me in ways that used to hurt - this doesn't mean anything to me anymore, so that pattern is broken, they don't get their reaction, nothing happens! lecture over... like I said Gem... your life serves you.... big HUG and encouragement to you. oh, yes it probably is 'on again' with the man... for now I can't figure out whats going on with him, only see that Something is. Oh but so much going on with ME... North Node stuff. joy! pm
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Post by AquarianEssence on Jul 24, 2006 0:17:19 GMT
I know I've struggled a lot with the issue of what is the loving thing to do, be active in relationship or abstain from that relationship. To stay in and just ignore feels like I am condoning the behavior. To stay in and confront, however loving, as the problem repeats is exausting. But at the same time I don't want it to be judged as holding a grudge. That isn't what its about. It's about having boundaries that must be respected just as I respect theirs. I don't have a problem turning the other cheek if the person can acknowledge the hurt and show an attempt to change that behavior. But when that is lacking its like walking into a brick wall, know its still there and walk into it again. Not too productive. I did that thoughout my whole 28 year marriage.
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Post by gemstar on Jul 24, 2006 1:01:44 GMT
Hello Prima- Thank you for your thoughtful ideas. Yes...I DO own the Artist's Way and have not looked at in in quite some time. A friend gave it to me several years ago when I was beginning to write this Children's series....and yes, it has been in the works for a rather long time! It does take a serious concentrated effort and for this Gemini Sun, Life has too many distractions and my Mars is only grounded by it's connection (square) to Pluto and Uranus!! Ok...a quincunx to ASC as well...but...too many projects to experience/create/complete etc......and sometimes I just need to take off and dance my Argentine Tango!! Your thoughts on people (who are not parents) being needed by children is true. I feel this and understand my role as it stands. Kinda like I described above in my reply-post to 'tom'. It still does not fill the space inside of me which feels 'left out'. These children grow up...and then have their own children....you would then have grandchildren...and the legacy lives. When you do not have children....it symbolizes a much greater thing than the present....the 'missing of children and children's children' continues into the remainder of your later years. Talk about being left out! Who wants to be 75yo and have no family??!! Friends-yes....and surely they will be with their own children and grandkids....my tears would never end!!! When the joy of family and activity are part of your innate make-up, it is a frustrating feeling!! Such is Life.....what may be today is not necessarily true tomorrow! Again, the Universe will bring what I need and I trust that Life will shake out just FINE. AE--When I create distance from my family, with intention, it really IS about breaking patterns. When I do not react and defend my decisions with my father...he is stunned into silence. The game is no longer being played!! It cracks me up when I can be aware enough to observe the dynamics sometimes!! With so much water in my natal chart, it has been a challenge to be less emotionally attached/involved. It is certainly aggravating to give proper respect to family members who clearly do not return respect. It astounds me that they do not acknowledge my feelings or care to return the same consideration. They will most often make fun of my thoughts or invalidate my feelings/experiences. I think I am always stunned....even after 40yrs of the same ol' same old!! How grown adults in a family can behave the way they do amazes me too often. Where is the consideration at times? Why do people think it would be acceptable to say the things they do to a family member or expect that you should allow yourself to be treated with disrespect?? So I slink away....keeping a casual distance and am learning to reveal less and less of my thoughts. It seems to be working......there is no game to be played anymore!! No reactions by me and therefore, they wonder what is wrong.....ha,ha. ;D Walking into a brick wall again and again is not my idea of fun. Family is somewhat in a different category in my mind than marriage. My marriage partner I choose...it is my sole decision. It is different than not having the choice of family growing up. And I take that decision very seriously. It is all up to the two married partners to create an environment of love. You would not ever find me in a marriage for 28 years which had not been working for some time. So sorry for your pain AE. That kind of experience of inbalance is what I leave behind in childhood when it comes to my personal partner choices. Perhaps it is because of my many years of hitting that brick wall again and again with my family which has shown me what I do not want. Maybe that is the difference....some people have lots of pain from family and experience this early in Life...while others experience this pain through relationships and marriage (as an adult)....and are often unable to find the strength to move on when they should have long ago!! Hmmm....something to think about!! Obligations are a bizarre thing in this life...... Overall, boundaries are a great thing to understand and learn to have in place for all relationships-family, friends, co-workers etc.....IF you are lucky enough to learn this early on in life, you are Blessed. Otherwise, you LEARN!! Hugs- GemStar PS....this NNode is one Slooooooow mover!! Who else out there is experiencing a transiting Nodal-chiron transit?? PPS....Growing up in a family is not really a conscious choice which you have much control over. My family is some kinda karmic challenge I must've 'pre-arranged' before I arrived in my Life this time around. Geez....
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