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Post by ariesmoon on Jan 31, 2009 8:33:34 GMT
When Mercury turns direct again and goes back into Aquarius, it will cross my Saturn/South Node. I've learned just in the last few days how lightening and releasing it is to talk about loving someone. That may sound weird or odd to others, but I don't talk about love to people, I keep it hidden, and quiet. I struggle to tell those I love them that I love them, out of fear of overwhelming them or embarrassing them, and I very rarely tell others. And it's all out of old fears, of "getting it wrong". Of thinking that people won't be able to handle what I tell them, or that they'll laugh, or reject me, or something. Protecting them, or protecting me.
So I've learned to talk - an odd thing for a Gemini Mercury thing to say, you'd think I have that off pat. Chatter, yes, I can spend hours on email and on the phone. But what have I actually been saying? Mercury retrograde has made me look at that, and open up and look at the fears that are stopping me express what's in my heart. And it isn't only about love - I have a friend who has dominated our friendship for years, and I've been angry with her on several occasions but have bottled out of saying anything. A few nights ago I dreamt I let rip at her, and all the bottled anger came out. I was saying in my dream what I've always wanted to say. And it felt powerful, and liberating.
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Post by Juliet on Jan 31, 2009 13:13:13 GMT
Ariesmoon, (((())))
Pam, Longterm relationships are like the universe, even droughts are part of them. I remember this spring: I stated here that my bf was not capable of commitment. Later on I was able to see that my bailing out and breaking off when something did not suit me / made me sad or angry or feeling helpless was the same thing I blamed him for: being unable to commit. Committing means going through the crisis and not around it. Being able to weather intense emotions by feeling them, acknowledging them but not necessarily to act on them. And sometimes keep them to yourself, realizing the more urgent they feel the older they usually are! When I feel I MUST speak to my bf THIS minute I've taught myself to go and do something really nurturing or creative and when a few hours later I still need to talk, I do it. And guess what: 99 out of 100 times, the big feelings just disappear, and I'm not talking suppression here. Loving is not about being infatuated or feeling that awesome longing, it's a constant state of 'being in love', being prepared to share oneself and communicate and being prepared to sometimes live in 'drought'. Being able to love oneself passionately helps!
Being able to deal with frustration and intense emotions. Being able to let go of the perfect partner fantasy. Being able to really get to know someone else on a very intimate level and being able to deal with and accept someone else's reality, someone's differentness, leaving the childhood fantasy of symbiosis and unconditional love behind.
And then still: love.
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ariesmale
Junior Member
My face as it appears through a window just after sunrise.
Posts: 40
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Post by ariesmale on Feb 2, 2009 2:20:51 GMT
Pam. Yes I understand about being scared. Maybe there was something in your reservations about your would be beau's or would be hubbies. You definitely have the same Pluto trine Venus.
I've said "Heavens to Mercitroid...exit stage Right..Stage left even" to some overzealous marriage minded women. When I think about it...those were some close calls. My Pluto will keep kicking my butt if I go against its cleansing power....that prunes the bad apples mercilessly and without qualms. Seems when I hold on to unhealthy relationships..it gives me reason for many sad regrets...
Like I've met some very aggressive Aries women, scorpio women...and in some cases moon in Aries women...or moon in scorpio women...who once they were able to have sex with me...then they weren't so keen on me. I think it was all that "Do what ever you like..just dont touch me" (unless I give you permission to) attitude and being aloof and unattainable to them...that just drove them crazy. My God they wore me out...I mean its like having someone throw themselves at you sexually...and they know that eventually my sex drive will finally kick in. Well I suppose they had to have me to get me out of their system.
I tend to fall pretty hard in love.....now I'm no angel mind you...but I'm no fool and I wont put up with alcoholics, or women who are cruel to kids, and little doggies and cats. Things like that will insure I will say "Heavens to Mercitroid exit stage right" I've even had some of them say...what is your problem I didnt do any thing wrong to you? yeah well you treated my neighbor kid who I think is so sweet and cute...like crap...and you expect me to feel Loving toward you?
Well I suppose they had to have me to get me out of their system.
havent gotten to Liz Green's Saturn book yet..its on top of my must read book list.
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Post by pam on Feb 2, 2009 2:31:12 GMT
AM,
I'm not certain you read the entirety of my post. Perhaps you did, and are just focussing on those parts you want to focus on and not dealing with the rest of it. I wrote that I messed up when I jumped out of a relationship because I felt uncomfortable emotionally. I never said that there was anything wrong with the fellows. And I certainly never badgered anyone to marry me. Every man I was with on a halfway serious level from 18-30 asked me to marry him, and a couple after thirty as well. I just could never tolerate anyone long enough. You know I questioned a relationship with a man I was head over heels in love with because he put real ice cream in his smoothies??? That's a commitment phobe (me, not him) for you. and I projected all of outside of me. That is what I learned and accepted about myself during this Mercury Retrograde. What self defeating behavior have you acknowledged?
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ariesmale
Junior Member
My face as it appears through a window just after sunrise.
Posts: 40
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Post by ariesmale on Feb 2, 2009 3:27:49 GMT
I used the mercury retrograde to work hard and review my music aspirations...now that Mercury is direct I have been auditioning. Will shop around my Demo CD to several establishments and play the circuits along the coast. Tourism in #1 on the Oregon coast..and I have what it takes. amended reply* I hurried with my reply while trying to do 1000 different things at the same time. Which self destructive habit? Where do I begin? I could probably write a book called "Men who love too much and how to fall out of love with the Beeotch" or "Feed your inner wimpy, girly limpwristed anima." sorry about missing the projection thing. Gee you do sound scary. Dumping some poor fool just because he used real ice cream in a smoothie. Although one should use ice. Been there been the dumpee...just because I was too overexcited to see my GF after a 2 week separation. She was a sagittarius with a strong Saturn too..and she thought I was "undignified" Bah that still hurts like hell when I think about it. Being how she was so dang hell bent on being with me..at first
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