|
marry?
Jun 17, 2008 4:49:12 GMT
Post by Kris on Jun 17, 2008 4:49:12 GMT
I went on vacation for a couple of weeks, hence the response is delayed. Thanks prima for reminding of "caring oneself". I generally advocate and never failed to practice the saying "Do unto others as you would have them do to you." Irrespective of the issue, I always give first but unfortunately what I receive in return leaves me bitter. I am used to it over the years.
"whatever it is you want from others, give it to yourself". Yes I do. I love myself, I possess it hence I can offer to others. After 2 weeks break I saw her today. She was very eager to have eye contact but I avoided as I know by experience it won't go beyond that. I can't express myself because of her reluctance to keep contact. It is very painful to repress the feelings. What is the point in looking at her in this fashion.
I am lost and don't know how to get out of this tangle. I am waiting for the time to offer a solution as I did what all I can do to resolve the issue.
Oh Pluto.... leave me alone
Thanks prima, juliet and Aphrodite
Love Kris
|
|
|
marry?
Jun 17, 2008 7:55:06 GMT
Post by ariesmoon on Jun 17, 2008 7:55:06 GMT
Kris - what a story. I feel very deeply for you. I don't know if this helps, but I can share a story which is similar. These are very complex emotions and they puzzle and frighten me, as I sense they are doing to you. I have looked into the eyes of someone I love, I've done it twice a few months apart, but could not tell him. I couldn't bring myself to think he'd feel the same (as you say "Pluto leave me alone and stop opposing my Sun"). So I didn't express the love out loud (he knew from my eyes though). And there isn't a day that goes by without my wishing I had spoken. Wishing I hadn't been so scared to express it openly. I almost think I protected him from it in case such fierce emotions embarrassed him. Very complex, very difficult, I'm finding this very difficult to write. But I know that by repressing it, I denied him the opportunity to say that he might feel the same. I read your post and wondered if that's how he feels - all he has seen is me looking at him, and I don't speak. He might have been feeling the same love as me, but I never asked him.
There are many practical reasons why it might not work between us, but what I have to think about is all the ways that it could work. Amazingly - we too have amazing synastry contacts. The composite chart here is the key for me - Saturn squares a tight Venus/Moon conjunction in early Cancer. Yes there are limitations but it's about fighting - Saturn is in Aries - to make it happen.
These emotions are desperately painful to repress. I've never been so conscious as I was in those few days of such a fierce love, combined with such fierce anger at myself for not allowing myself to express it. It came out in dreadful crying. I'm not usually lost for words but this one is very difficult. That was Pluto working (opposing that Venus/Moon and squaring Saturn) I have no doubt.
If there is a message here, I would say - speak your love. It broke my heart to read "what is the point of looking at her".
|
|
|
marry?
Jun 17, 2008 9:41:19 GMT
Post by Kris on Jun 17, 2008 9:41:19 GMT
Ariesmoon,
Thank you very much for timely message. I am dumb, speechless and blank for a while before sobbing.
Her feelings may be similar to yours and your friend might have felt like me. Here is a point about our relation. I am sure she talks if I initiate but never does on her own. It was proved on couple of occasions. On the second occasion I took her email address promising that I use it only once and shot her 2 poems that I scribbled on seeing her 6 months ago. I never know I can write poetry. I can sense that the poetry narrating what she is for me seeped right down to the depth of her heart. That's the ultimate any gentleman can do. Anything beyond could be termed 'stalking'. So I cann't help but wait; but how long ? If not possible I want to get out but unable to do that.
I was so confident of getting positive response but it did not happen even after 2 months. Her eagerness for me to watch her baffles me. There are a lot of positives and a couple of strong negatives in our synastry. One of them is my saturn exactly squaring her venus. Her solar return sun and venus oppose saturn. Scope for a long term relation. OR no relation ? We shave strong nodal contacts with personal planets, chiron and progressed asteroids and outer planets.
I find it extremely difficult to write more at this stage. Your experience is useful in reviewing the situation. I read somewhere that soulmate relationships would be scary. The natives resist a lot before pain overpowers the consciousness. I am scared too.
Love Kris
|
|
|
marry?
Jun 17, 2008 17:52:47 GMT
Post by ariesmoon on Jun 17, 2008 17:52:47 GMT
hello Kris - yes, I read that too about soulmate relationships. I think they have to be scary, because we have to be fully aware of what we are getting into. We have to do the thinking, and the hard learning, so that we are ready. I think we have many soulmates - I met one today for a drink, someone I've known for 9 years. When I first met him I fell in love with him. Instantly. He's with a partner, and it took months for me to deal with that. And now I love him dearly as one of the friends of my life. Loving him and knowing that love wouldn't be returned in the same way - he's gay - was very painful. But I'm so, so glad I waited until the love changed shape. I can't imagine not being friends with him for the rest of my life.
If these people are so important to us, then we have to learn the lessons they are here to teach us. I wrote to the man I love, and he hasn't replied - so that is the same too for me, how long do I wait? I honestly don't know. Maybe he's taught me all that he's here to teach me. Maybe he's not in a place where he can respond. But something tells me not to give up.
Love Jan
|
|
|
marry?
Jun 18, 2008 4:33:23 GMT
Post by Kris on Jun 18, 2008 4:33:23 GMT
Yeah.. Ariesmoon. Soulmates enter into our life to teach us a lesson. Rather both the parties learn a strong lesson while pursuing the relation.
I have a strong desire to express my love (venus at 0 degrees Sco sextile pluto at 0 deg vir). Unfortunately I did not get a suitable partner. May be the unfulfilled desire is responsible for the series of love related incidents i have been experiencing since 2004.
My desire to experience true and young love has started waning of late. The current one is very intense, going on and on albeit silently for a long time and if this relation fails to give me what I desire, I understand that I am not destined to have it in this life time. May be this is the lesson I am learning with transit pluto changing sign into my 7th sextile natal venus.
The transformation I have been experiencing for the last 7 months is too pleasing. I love to keep this feeling. Whether I get her or not, I owe her a lot for freeing me of un-attainable desire.
Love Kris
|
|