Reverse Nodal Transit

[ariesmoon]

Thank you Aphrodite & Juliet for these loving words. I am getting there on loving myself, it took a long time, it was a concept that had never even occurred to me until I made a break from my previous career. I'm worth a lot and I know that now.

The fear of intimacy stems from my first serious relationship in my 20s. I had no relationships in my teens, I was bullied at school, and had no self confidence. I valued myself so little when R was around that I put up with him sleeping with two or three others besides me. Anyone was better than no-one. After that finished, I vowed "not again" and blocking people out became a habit. Up went the defences.

This is now the process of tearing them down, and working on establishing appropriate boundaries, and it's leaving me feeling vulnerable and a bit raw. Not surprisingly!


All this sounds self-pitying and I don't mean it to, it's just the choices I've made up to now.

[pam]

AriesMoon,

It doesn't sound self pitying at all. It sounds like soul searching and growth to me. I am struggling with some of the same issues, except it was my family in addition to my "friends". There's a song by Paul Simon called "Something So Right". I'll look up the lyrics and post them on Happy Songs. It's been my anthem for awhile. there's a line in it that goes "They've got a wall in China a thousand miles long. to keep out the foreigners they made it strong. Well, I've got awhile a wall around me you can't even see. It takes a little while to get next to me". Be gentle with yourself and take a lot of bubble baths with whatever essential oils smell best to you. Rose and Ylang Ylang is an especially nice combination .

Pam

[ariesmoon]

I know "Something So Right", I love it. I know all the words! Thanks Pam!

[ariesmoon]

Oh, this is a biggie - not only do I have the reverse nodal transit, I also have Mars and Jupiter both transiting conjunct my Saturn/South Node (and opposite Venus/North Node of course!) Amplifying and energising the behaviours that contributed to my being so exhausted in my previous job, ie the need to get everything right, and the need to get everything done. I know that the only person to pressure on me is....me. So that awareness is a start.

The transit is also helping to highlight all the good things that an Aquarius South Node allowed me to bring into this life - humanitarian instincts and organisational skills - as well as pointing up the North Node gifts by energising Venus in Leo, with my love of children and my ability to engage with them. There's some heavy stuff going on, but I am aware of both ends of this transit!

So - apart from a few wobbly moments this week where I've thought "I can't do this" , I'm working on being grateful for the awareness, on patting myself on the back every day for a job well done, and on being as kind to myself as I want to be with others. Like not beating myself up for not tidying the kitchen, or not ironing, or being way behind in phoning/emailing friends.