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Post by Juliet on Sept 27, 2006 6:46:56 GMT
Yes, Svenska, I agree with Kim and 3rd, something will come up! And I am happy for you you feel so more positive about prospects!
I remember the day before I landed the best job ever, I had been working two test days at a firm I especially liked (still like that idea, might use it again in the future) but it was just too quiet for me, and I had to decline the job offer, even though the manager offered a ridiculous amount of money. I biked home crying, because I felt so much sympathy for the workplace and had so much hoped it would work out. That night my friend called me to ask to join him in the theatre.
Toi toi toi! (means 'break a leg' in Dutch, you know, when one wants to wish someone a good performance in theatre) Juliet
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Post by svenskasfinx on Oct 5, 2006 10:27:00 GMT
Ok, this is so far: (Update)
I got an offer from a tarot line (right in the middle of the test) on Monday; Tuesday the job I interviewed for on Thursday decided that I wasn't what they needed at the moment..but they would leave my papers on file..
The gallery job? No show yet, didn't call because I am sort of hindered by feelings projected upon me by others which is that if I don't feel confident about what and why I am calling for, I may as well not bother (their ideas are better a silent fool than to open your mouth and dispell all doubt)..
But today ooh today the ballence of "power" at the breakfast table really shifted into "nasty". When I speculated about things, possibly not only having this "home thing" but speculated on keeping the second telephone line after my inlaws move.. my Johan went into "bitch overdrive".. because I speculated that maybe if I have the money I could pay for it myself.. he in turn made it seem as though I had ridiculed him for not having a job...(a reading between the lines interpretation he commonly accuses me of)
When I turned my back to try to walk away, and asked him to at least give me the respect I should have for getting a job, he got mad and threw something at me.. and I got hit in the back with a basket of fruit! He never did that before and quickly said "I didn't mean to hit you, but I won't appoligise for throwing it!" of couse me screaming, "you hit me, you hit me.. I am going to have to leave you..." didn't exactly help.
I don't know where we can possibly go with this, but I have to say when Blue orchides mentioned that he was angry, that too was my impression, he is angry and frustrated, and when he feels like this, and he doesn't do anything to adress issues he is feeling it tends to get alot worse. With the emphisis on the 12th house in our composite chart and a Uranus Sun square, its very easy to see where things can "explode".
I thought we got to talking on Saturday and things were going "smoothly" but today he misuderstood me. He says that I often talk about "value" of other people and such so he projected that I obviously "belittled" him because he is still searching for a job... but that was because I said I would be willing to pay for something. HE doesn't realize that HE projects. He told me that I had said the worst thing I could say to him.
What I said was, "Please respect the fact I have a job.." concerning the fact I need to close the door to the room when "reading".. I need to concentrate.. he doesn't realize that he walked in during my test and then AFTER complaned about my articulation of verbs in Swedish.. IT really made me feel insecure. I said I was so insecure I could only record my profile when he wasn't in the house... so then of couse he could say I was using him as an excuse..
well.. this problem didn't get solved by having conflicts! He's gone off to his 2nd interview this week, and he has one more on Friday, I have a job, but I can't work because I'm in a very dark mood and won't be able to concentrate! Not today anyway..
I realize that this kind of work and accepting money for these kind of efforts means that I have a responsiblity to myself and to others to be as good as I possibly can be; I know this from doing readings for people and accepting no pay in the past, just gifts as my ancestors before me have.. It doesn't mean that there are rules that state one shouldn't be paid, but I know that any "negativity" can find its cause, find the holes in the system and the cracks in the defences.
I gave myself "permission" to earn a living like this, to do this work because I am rather good at it.. the woman who hired me knows that otherwise she wouldn't have been so excited to offer me a job.
I'm still hoping that the gallery job is an option, however one of the things my husband so gladly pointed out about the job I have now is that I would make (if I actually got paid for every hour I work) more than he did when he had a job... if it were a relyable 8 hour a day job.. however I know being available to work doesn't always mean work.
Thank you everyone for your kindness and best wishes, I did actually get SOMETHING, not only that, but something I consider "great".. its just that I'm a bit disappointed with not getting that "other job" just because I know my husband could say what I did and wouldn't have to "rename it".. right now, he calls me a consultant.. and not an astrologer, or a tarot card reader and I did ask yesterday if he could really have "pride" in what I do, and he pointed out it was the money he was thinking of.
I don't know.. its hard to know where I stand..
I don't want what happened to day to happen again; the I-ching's advice on the topic was, that to be inflexible about it and say "I never want this to happen again..." will only make it harder for us.. rather than easier to address the alienation and misunderstanding. When we need to address things its obvious that both of us need to clear our ears. Neither of us are to blame, but we both contribute to the problem, especially when we don't hear what we need to.. and then plug in our own "interpretations".
Better times ahead, although very different.
thanks much,
svenskasfinx
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Post by Kim Falconer on Oct 7, 2006 21:24:55 GMT
Beautiful Svenskasfinx!
I am exhilarated about your tarot job. Congratulations. I think it is something that you will excel in, having so much to offer those in need.
Two things of concern:
1. Have you thought of couples counseling?
2. Do you need him to feel pride in what you do?
I'm concerned about your lack of honor and respect, because these qualities are very important to me in relationship. I also know that love is a complex journey.
Again, congratulations and keep heart!
I so admire this step you have taken. You have a great deal of ‘inner world’ insight and exercising your 12th house in such a way-- 'service behind the veil to others in need' will, I believe, be fulfilling for you!
Warmly Kim
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Post by AquarianEssence on Oct 8, 2006 1:08:51 GMT
Congratulations, Sven, on the readings. I'm concerned for you because I hear you excusing your man's behavior by saying you "didn't help". It concerns me even more that he said he wouldn't acknowledge it was wrong to throw the basket at you. My ex husband often gritted his teeth and threw or hit something. I dismissed it in order to feel safe by telling myself at least he didn't hit people. But after 24 years of him not dealing with emotions properly he choked me, tried to drag me down a flight of stairs, almost pushed my little boy down the basement stairs. I still tried to make it work for 2 more years but it takes two for a relationship and his temper is his alone. I cannot own that or take responsibility for it. Any way, please don't make excuses for him. He is hurting you and himself.
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Post by svenskasfinx on Oct 9, 2006 15:36:51 GMT
Congratulations, Sven, on the readings. I'm concerned for you because I hear you excusing your man's behavior by saying you "didn't help". It concerns me even more that he said he wouldn't acknowledge it was wrong to throw the basket at you. My ex husband often gritted his teeth and threw or hit something. I dismissed it in order to feel safe by telling myself at least he didn't hit people. But after 24 years of him not dealing with emotions properly he choked me, tried to drag me down a flight of stairs, almost pushed my little boy down the basement stairs. I still tried to make it work for 2 more years but it takes two for a relationship and his temper is his alone. I cannot own that or take responsibility for it. Any way, please don't make excuses for him. He is hurting you and himself. I don't feel I'm making any excuses for his behaviour, but I hear you.. its easy enough to see when someone has a problem and then gets all heated up over small things and then places the blame on you saying " you provoked me.." its a no go there, I did tell him I was afraid of the situation when we hadn't addressed the issue that was bothering me, and how he got "annoyed" that I should point out that he commonly has the same old "excuses". I want some kind of "respect" when it comes to the idea that we both need some equality. Because I told him I was afraid 4 days after this "fruit basket incident".. he had the nerve to say I was "faking" my fear... and this made him angry. I told him planly, after I wanted him to later talk about it that his anger is his own problem, and maybe its "ok" if he throws things and doesn't hit people.. in his eyes, but in my eyes, although I too am very very guilty of this misused anger, it is still destructive. And when he threw a bag of my son's food that he was going to take with him, and litterally destroyed what was in it, making it inedable... I calmly said, "was that constructive?" as we both milled over the contents.. he looked at me with anger and said a hopeless "no".. Before I got all of that out of him, he took of his ring and tossed it on the ground and dramaticly said, "if you use the fruit basket thing against me and "pretend" you are scared, we are over..." in all honesty, what is the point of so many emotions if it wasn't as serious as all that? If he wants to "toss us aside" even if it hurts, fine... if it hurts then it must be important.. but we don't understand a few things here.. and that is that he's going though alot, and he really has to see all the things he longs to accuse me of, are really the things he is doing. Then it doesn't matter that anyone is right or wrong, as you can see (and so can Kim) that the respect is being worn away at. Counciling would be nice, but when I mentioned it, he says "what's the point?"..but the point may be made easier if you fight FOR something rather than AGAINST that which you seem to care so much about, or that which provokes your emotions.. I wait and see.. I believe he has alot of deep seated anger against the condition of being let go from work.. heck I understand that better than anyone with as many times as I suddenly gave 110% and got less pay than I was worth and didn't even "love the job".. I know I'm babbling here too, but my excuses are more about that I should see the "logic" and I don't.. in anyone else's shoes, (boy I sound so American today) I would tell them, "leave or get an immediate mediator".. and for me, I want to step back and be very Tao about it. The tarot job ( I also look up horoscopes and other things) has been strangely well.. I hope to be even better in the future. Sorry I didn't get to this earlier. Thanks for all the well wishes, svenskasfinx
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Post by svenskasfinx on Oct 9, 2006 15:46:51 GMT
Beautiful Svenskasfinx! I am exhilarated about your tarot job. Congratulations. I think it is something that you will excel in, having so much to offer those in need. Two things of concern: 1. Have you thought of couples counseling? 2. Do you need him to feel pride in what you do? I'm concerned about your lack of honor and respect, because these qualities are very important to me in relationship. I also know that love is a complex journey. Again, congratulations and keep heart! I so admire this step you have taken. You have a great deal of ‘inner world’ insight and exercising your 12th house in such a way-- 'service behind the veil to others in need' will, I believe, be fulfilling for you! Warmly Kim Kim! Thank you for your kind words, and thanks for your sugestions. As we both probably understand, it feels kind of important for me to be liked for who I am, and when a type of job hits so close to home as to my personality, and who I am, I feel mildly slighted when the only thing someone would dare ask me is "does it pay well?" I think we have all been there before.. I joke about my grandmother.. had I said "I got a job selling drugs..." she would have said.. "well don't knock it, you'll earn alot of money..." If it clearly was all about the money for me.. maybe I'd be the best damned "sex worker" on the entire planet .. but its not about the money, is it.. its about enjoying what we do and making a living at it. The fun thing about this job IS I am making much more than I would have had I been given the opportunity to get that job at the printing/marketing firm. Still don't know about the art gallery though. Funny thing is, I do want something he can actually SAY what I do..but I have to live with it too. I think we both have issues with our "work" (Johan and I)..I am seriously worried about our future, but I'm trying to stand with logical convictions, and avoid the overwhelming flow of anger on both sides, as its being used very destructively as opposed to trying to take that energy and use it to better means. I hope to come back to this again later, but I suppose that the horary chart for this question, actually DOES fit the job.. with all that 12th house stuff, and notably my own Natal 12th house emphisis. Be well, svenskasfinx
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Post by Amoroso on Oct 9, 2006 16:11:33 GMT
Sven,
When I read your posts, and admittedly, I am running through them, I feel you are trying to see both your role in projection and trying to be understanding of your husband.
But, if what you are reporting is accurate,
HE IS NOT WELL. and needs help. "Normal" people can sometimes be the most unwell people around because they hide it, avoid it, make excuses for it, etc.
Your feeling unrespected is something I understand. I really had to start standing up for myself and what I had accomplished and what I do, and I had to SEE what I did as valuable before I could demand the respect I deserved from him. I also had to pack a bag and threaten to leave several times, even when the kdis were little, before he would be willing to talk. We tried counseling once and that did not work. It has been a long process, and I am sometimes still surprised that the marriage has survived.
I wonder if one of these days I will get tired of "working on it," because these problems have been there forever. But as long as there are little improvements on both sides, I guess it is worth it. I think men just shut down when overwhelmed with job issues. And John is so tired and has come through this year of cancer surgery.
But throwing food?? NO. I am sorry. It's time to grow up. That's how I see it.
I hope this is not too harsh, and I am thinking of you and sending you light.
Love, Amoroso
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